


Here, but for the Grace of Gabriel

by Sapphire_Princess



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, Drama, F/M, Fallen Castiel, Gabriel has a plan, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, OC Character Death, Post Season 8, Romance, alternative universes, dean/cas - Freeform, gabriel/kali - Freeform, non season 9 compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-02
Updated: 2015-04-28
Packaged: 2017-12-25 10:59:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 45,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/952278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sapphire_Princess/pseuds/Sapphire_Princess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gabriel seemed to think a trip to another universe was the best way to safe guard his self-made family.  But Dean's not too impressed by their new visitors, Castiel doesn't seem bothered and Sam's just disappointed he doesn't get to meet any other versions of himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Cas is Cas

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural. This was written for fun.
> 
> Authors note: Set a few months after the end of Season 8 and branches from cannon at that point. There are three main universes but the story is set in 'ours'. All flashbacks indicate which universe they are in. I am aiming for weekly updates.
> 
> 'Our Universe' - Dean, Sam and Cas.
> 
> Gabriel's universe - Deanna, Sam, Castiel (Girl)
> 
> Other universe - Dean, Sammy(Girl), Cas (Girl)

**Chapter 1**

 

Present

 

“Dean, Dean wake up.” He grumbled and pushed the hand pressing against his side away.

“5 more minutes, we don’t have anywhere to be today.” He rolled away from the noise and pressed his face down into the soft pillow underneath him.

“Dean.” The voice came again and he grumbled. He was more awake now and aware of the bright sunlight coming through the cheap motel curtains. “Dean.” The voice sounded frustrated and unfamiliar. He was about to reach for the knife underneath his pillow but the hand that had been pressing against him slid down his back in a way that was so familiar that he stopped and rolled over, only Cas did that to him.

He was faced with a fully dressed dark haired woman in a shirt, skirt and trench coat. Her eyes were the same blue as Castiel’s and she had his flustered and annoyed facial expression down to a Tee. Dream then, definitely a dream. His Cas had promised not to wake him unless there was an emergency.

“Cas?” he asked, blinking against the blurry halo of light around her hair where the curtains were open enough to light her up from behind.

“Who else would I be?”

“A guy for a start.”

She just pulled a face at him and climbed over his legs, hitching up her skirt before settling herself directly over his crotch. Yup, definitely a dream, his Cas wasn’t ever this forward.

“Role-play again?” she asked before bending down to kiss him, hands already fisting in his shirt as she started to pull it up to his shoulders. She kissed the same and the dreamlike quality of the lighting was the same as it always was during these dreams, except of course that this was the first time Cas had ever been a woman. But it was a dream and Cas was Cas so why not? He’d wake up soon anyway, always did when he realised he was asleep then maybe the real Cas could take over from this one.

***

 

“I Have to say I’m surprised to see you.” She was sat on the balcony of the honeymoon suite of a motel in Ohio, her long legs were crossed loose in front of her and her dress tapered off at the front to brush onto the floor beneath her whilst showing off her legs at the same time.

“And I’m surprised you showed up.”

“No you’re not,” She told him, standing and walking towards him, her heels clicking on the stone tiles with each step.

“You’re right, I’m not.”

“What are you doing here?” she asked. “I saw to your remains after Lucifer killed you, wings burnt out over the floor and vessel dead.”

“No I’m definitely dead, at least in this world.” He was leaning against the door frame wearing a similar coat and shirt to the ones he was wearing the last time she had seen him alive.

“Then what world are you from?” She was starting to sound impatient.

“Another reality, alternate universe, that sort of thing.”

“And why are you here?” Her eyes narrowed and the closer she got to him the angrier she appeared.

“To protect my sister and the Winchesters from my world.” 

“And why would you do that?” She seemed disbelieving and he didn’t blame her.

“Because I’m trying to avoid yet another of my brothers pissing contests.” He stood up and stepped forwards so that he was directly in front of her. “If you don’t want to help me you don’t have to stay. This is the safest world I could find, I only asked you here for extra protection.”

She shook her head. “No, you didn’t.” 

He laughed. “Right again.”

“So why did you ask me here?”

“To give you what you want.”

“And what do I want?”

He sighed. “You don’t make this easy for me.”

“No, I don’t.” She looked sad then, the anger leaving her expression and a deep sadness taking it’s place. There was so much he could say to her, so much for her to say in return but she wasn’t his and he really wasn’t hers. 

“I’m here to make things right. The others will notice a presence of an unfallen Archangels grace, especially after what has happened here and it could put them all in danger. But if I give you the last ingredients needed for the spell you have been working on then you will have a plausible source within this universe and they can stay hidden here for as long as they need to.”

Her eyes widened in surprise. “How do you know about that?”

“I did the same for you in the last world I visited, the one I almost sent them to.”

“Gabriel…” He looked away, looking at the sunrise just beginning in front of them.

“I’m trying to fix things Kali, for them and for us.” He reached forwards before he could stop himself and took her hand. She flinched but didn’t shake him off, just let him squeeze then let go on his own.

“I never thought it would be possible.”

“No, it’s a pretty big failsafe I’ll admit, needing a fraction of a soul - or in my case grace to bring someone back. But you have my vessel and what remained of my wings and you had already tied me to you before hand.” Which even he had to admit had been remarkably lucky.

“Did you know?” she asked.

Gabriel shook his head. “You will have to ask him.” He opened his pocket and opened the small bottle inside it, pressed his finger against the lid and let a fraction of his grace slip out. “Here.” He handed it to her and she took it, slipping in to the low v of her dress and no doubt into her bra.

“It won’t bring you back as an angel, not fully, it can’t.”

He smiled at that. “I wouldn’t want it to.”

“So that’s it, I finish my spell and don’t tell the other gods what’s happening here?”

“Pretty much yes.”

She nodded. “Am I alive in your world?”

He smiled. “Of course.”

“Good.” She looked at him for another long moment. “I should go.”

“Yeah, probably best. It will work Kali.” She only nodded once in reply before she was gone.

Gabriel sighed and walked fully onto the balcony, resting against the high railing to watch as the sun rose high in the Ohio sky. He was torn between knowing this had been necessary and wondering how everything would unravel downstairs.

He had brought a couple of extra visitors along for the ride and he wanted to be in place to watch when everyone woke up so he turned back around and closed the shutters to the balcony behind him. Three TV’s were hooked up to the three rooms downstairs and he grabbed a packed of skittles from the side before settling back to watch it all unfold. Just because it was necessary didn’t mean he couldn’t have a little fun.

 

***

Sam rolled over to the sound of murmured voices and found the previously empty bed next to his occupied. He reached for his gun slowly and closed his hand around the cool metal. He could only see the back of the head of one of them, ash blonde and spilling over the top of the sheets but he heard what sounded like a pretty intense conversation in rushed words and tones. They didn’t appear to have noticed him so he took the advantage and sat up slowly in bed and aimed the gun at them both.

“Sam, put the gun down. We can explain everything,” the blonde woman said, sounding annoyed and inconvenienced as she turned around. He got a good look at her and her dark haired companion then and he stared at them for a moment, not sure what to think because they looked familiar, too familiar. Same eyes, hair colour and there was a trench coat over the chair next to the bed. Along with a green jacket the same colour as Dean’s. 

“What the?” Sam shook his head. “Seriously, what is going on?” It was like waking up in bizzaro land.

“Gabriel,” came his answer from the woman with long dark hair. “It is a long story but I am Castiel and this is Deanna.” Sam just nodded, still pointing the gun at them both but they didn’t seem bothered by it. “We needed somewhere safe to hide from Raphael while we try and rally an army or weapon big enough to defeat him so Gabriel sent us here.”

“Okay.” He nodded but was so confused by it all he wanted more information. “Keep talking, where am I or am I a girl too?”

Deanna smiled and she looked so much like his brother he almost considered not putting them through the series of tests he was already planning. “No, you’re you, a girl, but male if that’s what you mean and you’re with Kali back in our world, Gabe wanted us separated to make sure we’d be as safe as possible.” The pet name for the archangel firmed his belief in running every test in the book, Gabriel was dead and even if he was somehow alive in some other universe it didn’t mean he could be trusted.

“Okay, okay well, I’ll just grab the holy water and everything else and we can get this over with.” He lowered his gun but kept his eyes on them as he rounded up what he needed from his bag and moved back to them.

“I thought you’d be more surprised.” Deanna told him, holding out her hand as Castiel did the same, they passed all of Sam’s test but seemed confused by the borax. 

“You haven’t had to fight Leviathan then?” He asked and they both shook their heads. “I tend not to be surprised by anything anymore and this seems more plausible than the time me and Dean were to a universe where we were actors in the show ‘Supernatural’.” He cringed at the memory.

“I’m not sorry we avoided that.” Deanna pulled a face and Sam chucked, she looked so much like Dean.

“Sounds interesting though,” Castiel told him, rolling the sleeve of her blue shirt back down her arm. Sam watched her tighten the bandage around her wrist as she did. “I have read all the books in our world but they didn’t seem very compelling, I can’t image how that would work on TV.”

“Not very well by the way Sam looked when he told us.” Deanna flashed him a smile. “I think we’re better off here, right Sammy?”

“You’re human in your world too?” Sam blurted as his brain caught up with the fact that Castiel hadn’t just healed herself and instead let Deanna bandage her up.

“That means I am here as well.” He couldn’t tell from her expression whether she was relieved or saddened by the knowledge.

Sam nodded. “Yeah, you’re also male too - both of you. Dean’s going to freak when he sees you.”

“Better get that part over with then, I’d rather we explain than Gabriel.”

“Yeah…. That would probably be best, our Gabriel, he’s ah dead.” But they didn’t look surprised.

“We know,” Castiel explained. “Gabriel said we would need to be in a world with no other archangels to interfere, he’s been planning this for a while.”

Sam couldn’t help but smile at that. “I have so many questions, I mean this is weird and all but it’s good to see other versions of us in a weird way.” They both looked at each other and seemed to have the same kind of silent conversation with each other that his Dean and Cas did. They also seemed close and happy to be lying side by side openly in front of him. 

“Do we…. ah, when we’re on the road, do we share motel rooms?” He might as well as now, he wouldn’t get a chance when Dean was with them.

“Why wouldn’t we?” Deanna asked.

“No, I mean, you, me and Castiel.”

“Of course we do. Why wouldn’t we?” But she was teasing him and wore the same smirk on her face Dean often did.

“She’s telling the truth Sam.” And she nudged Deanna in the arm and glared.

“Ah, well okay then.” He stood again and motioned for them to get out of bed and follow him to Dean and Cas’s room.

“Sam.” Deanna slipped out of bed and ran her hand through her hair. “You guys don’t share a room?” That wasn’t what she was asking but he appreciated her tact.

“No, not all the time. Sometimes we do, or we find two that connect with each other but we’re not on the road as much any more and when we are, Dean would rather he and Cas have their own room or at least separate beds.”

“So they’re…” Deanna moved her hand in front of her.

“Yeah, but Dean’s a little touchy on the matter and it’s pretty new anyway, won’t sleep in the same bed as Cas with me in the room. Not that me and Cas mind, it’s just Dean’s....” He didn’t know quite how to explain it, he got the feeling there were a lot of differences between Deanna and his brother despite their similarities. 

“I get it.” Deanna told him and she shrugged. “Me and Cas don’t need that kind of time alone and even if we did, we’d just leave her necktie on the door handle.” Cas rolled her eyes at that and joined Sam at the door.

“Lead the way.”

***

She’d managed to wrangle him out of the shirt and he’d slipped her trench coat down her shoulders and start on her buttons, her anti possession tattoo was in the same place Cas had had his done a few weeks before but it looked old and well healed. 

He was also still asleep.

“Lucid dreaming huh? This is new.” 

Cas stopped what she was doing and looked at him oddly.

“You’re not dreaming Dean.” She had completely stopped and looked at him concerned.

“Seriously, Cas.” He sat up, trying to find a way to wake himself.

A loud crash sounded from the other side of the hallway in the room next to Sam’s and Dean bolted out of bed. Girl Cas followed him, he pulled the door open to find his Cas, all ruffled from sleep and his shirt half off. Cas was glaring down at another Dean who had his back flat against the floor. Cas looked like he was going to kill him with fire in his eyes and a gun in his hand. He looked up when he saw their door open, and Sam’s too and the relief in his eyes when he saw Dean stopped him in his tracks.

Girl Cas (as Dean was now going to call her until he woke up from this bizzaro dream) went towards the other Dean and looked back at him then up at his Castiel. He was already tripping over the Dean on the floor to come to his side, grabbing on to his arms and pulling him towards him. He didn’t mention Dean’s lack of shirt or ruffled hair.

“You are not dreaming,” Cas told him.

“How did -”

“He thought he was asleep, apparently ‘Cas is Cas’ or something like that then he kissed me and…. I knew he wasn’t you so....” 

Dean smiled at that, lost for just a moment before he turned around to Sam, who didn’t look as surprised or concerned.

“Does some one want to tell me what the hell is going on?”

“Gabriel,” Sam told him, looking between both sets of Dean and Cas. 

“What the hell?” Cas at his side cringed at his anger but Dean didn’t really know how else to react. “That son of a bitch is dead Sam.”

“Ah… not in every universe apparently.”

“What do you mean ‘apparently’?” Other Dean and Girl Cas were stood close by but seemed to be looking to Sam for answers as well.

“Well, they’re not the only visitors.” Sam stood out of the way to reveal Deanna and Castiel and Dean blinked, shaking his head and looking to Cas as if he had the answers.

“I don’t know any more than you do, Gabriel is dead in this world but he would have had the power to pull something like this off where he still alive. Balthazar did send you both to that other world where-”

“We don’t talk about that Cas,” he interrupted and Castiel nodded. “This is crazy, I’m going back to bed.” He turned around and took Cas with him, pulling him along and slamming the door behind them.

“They are not going to disappear Dean.” Cas said after a minute of them resting against the cold wood of the door.

“Yeah, I know but I need to calm down and get my shirt.” 

Cas let go of his hand and went to get his shirt, picking up girl Cas’s coat along the way and staring at it. His own was still where he had left it the night before, over the desk chair against the wall.

“I thought I was dreaming too,” Dean told him, hoping it would serve as an apology.

“It’s fine Dean.” 

Dean pulled the t shirt on and grabbed his jeans as Cas did the same.

“You noticed but she didn’t.”

Cas just shrugged. “I knew I was awake and he was more forward than I have ever seen you.”

“Ah.” He held out a hand to Cas, he accepted and let Dean pull him into a hug. “You got any idea why the hell this is happening?”

“No, but I think we need to hear them out. Our female versions appear to know what’s going on.”

Dean let out a long shaking breath that ruffled Cas’s hair. “This is nuts Cas, seriously. Where are all the other Sam’s?”

“I don’t know but if Gabriel is involved then we have no choice but to go along with it. At least until we can figure out how to stop it.”

***

Dean had eventually relented and opened the door to their room, letting them all inside. Other Dean was now dressed as was Sam and the others and girl Cas took her coat from his Cas before then sat down on the chairs next to them. Dean made sure to keep his Castiel next to him but Sam seemed happy to sit with Deanna and her Castiel on the chairs they had brought in from his room.

“Okay, so, we’re all here now, who wants to explain this mess?” He looked around, other Dean smirked at him when he quickly averted his eyes from his Castiel but he ignored him.

Deanna seemed confused by the other Dean and Castiel but she didn’t say anything, just kept looking at them as if trying to understand what was happening. Sam had already tested their new arrivals and also himself, Dean and Cas to prove they were who they said they were.

“Gabriel sent us to your world to hide us from Raphael, he’s trying to bring back the apocalypse and has recently agreed to work with Crowley, the king of hell to make sure it happens. We need to stay here until it’s either safe to return or we manage to find something to defeat him. Sam is with Kali back in our world, moving all of us would have been too obvious so Gabriel brought us here and left them there. Raphael doesn’t believe we would ever split up so he’ll no doubt be looking for us there.”

“Hold on, what year is it where you are? That happened a few years ago here.”

Deanna shook her head. “Nope, same year, it’s just that things happened pretty differently in our world to how they have been happening here.”

“Okay, so that explains the two of you, but what about other Dean and girl Cas over here?” he asked, pointing to them.

“I don’t know,” Deanna’s Castiel told them. “Gabriel didn’t say he was brining anyone else but it might be a way to make sure we’re hidden, it could be a camouflage.” She was looking intently at them, at other Dean’s arm around girl Cas and Dean sat close and pressed up against Castiel. 

“Gabriel never does anything without a reason,” Sam chimed in. “Maybe he has some lesson or another he wants you to learn.” He paused. “Or maybe he just wanted to amuse himself, if he brought you here he must be around here somewhere.”

“Well until he shows himself how about you tell us what it’s like in your universe and we’ll see if we can figure out how to help, doesn’t seem like we have much choice,” Dean told them and both the Deanna and her Castiel nodded.

“How far back to you want us to start?” Deanna asked.

“The beginning.”

She nodded. “Right, well, me and Sam were brought up my our mom after dad died in a house fire when I was four and Sam was 6 months old.” Everyone else’s eyes were on her when she said that. “Right, well that would appear to be difference number one.”

“Yeah, we were raised by our dad, he took us all over the country on a revenge mission, killing every monster, witch and ghost we met on our way,” Sam explained when it became clear that neither Deans were able or willing to speak.

Deanna looked stunned. “Mom was devastated but she claimed the insurance money on the house, buried dad and moved us to another part of town. She told us that it was over, at least for now and although she was pretty bent on revenge she kept us together and swore to give us as normal a life as possible. She taught me how to hunt when I was 16, having finally relented and said I was old enough but Sam wanted nothing to do with it and went off to Stanford to be a lawyer.”

“So mom still hunted?” Sam asked, seeming to be the only one in charge of his voice.

“Occasionally and only if it was local, she got back in touch with other hunters and let me join her once I was 18.”

“What about dad’s killer?” Dean asked through gritted teeth. He was taking the news hardest of all.

“She never stopped looking, she just didn’t want us to have to live like hunters. She kept in touch with a network of hunters and kept updated on any sighting trying to draw a pattern.”

“And did she?” Other Dean asked.

“Yes.” Her eyes were fierce now. “Sam came back from Stanford when Jess was killed and we all set off together. He’s dead, but mom died in the process.”

They were all silent for a while but it was Sam that spoke again. “I take it in your world me and you were still vessels? If you have Cas with you it must mean you still traded yourself for me.”

Deanna nodded. “Yes. But it doesn’t seem like we have a lot in common beside that.”  
“That is probably why Gabriel sent you here,” Cas told her. “He would want to hide you in a world as different from your own as possible.”

Deanna looked at each Dean for a moment. “Mom didn’t raise you did she.”

“No, she died in the fire that killed your dad.”

Deanna only nodded. “What else do you want to know?”

 

***

_Deanna, Sam and Castiel universe._

 

_After Sam jumped into the cage and ended the Apocalypse._

 

They were in the car driving to who knew where. Deanna had picked Cas up from Kali at the safe house and Gabe had healed Bobby before sending him home. Gabriel had barely been able to look at Deanna but she had understood why, they were her brothers trapped in that box along with hers and nothing either of them could say would make the other feel better. Kali had spoken to them though, gave then a few protection charms and money before they had driven off into the night, Gabriel and Kali watching over them from the side of the road until they were out of sight.

Castiel hadn’t said a word so far, just sat close to Deanna in the front. She had tried to get in the back seat but Deanna had stopped her and shut the back door before she could fully open it. She hadn’t asked where they were going or why, just sat there with her hands in her lap and her eyes on the road. They hadn’t had much time to talk since she had reappeared in the hospital and Deanna knew something more than just the standard reprogramming had happened this time before she had been found bloody and unconscious outside of the hospital. She had tried to call chuck to find out what had happened but he wasn’t answering her calls and Castiel had frozen up any time she mentioned it, whatever had happened it had been bad. The last time she had seen her before that was when they were fighting their way into the green room and Cas had tried but failed to banish the others along with herself. They had taken her along with her vessel this time  and whatever they had done had affected her and seemed to have left her human.

“I let Jane go,” Cas said a while later when the rain started pounding on the windows. “I didn’t want her to know, didn’t want her to remember any of it so I let her pass on. Her soul is now in heaven.” 

“Okay.” There didn’t seem to be anything she should say to that.

“This body is now mine and I appear to be fully human.”

“Well we’ll have to get you tattooed and sorted out but you should be fine for now, you’re wearing the necklace right?”

“Yes.” Her hand moved up to press against where it lay underneath her shirt.

“Good.”

“Deanna?”

“Yeah, Cas?”

“Can I stay with you? I may not be much of a hunter but I can learn and I… I really have no where else to go.” The rain was almost deafening around them, muffled by the car but pounding in from all sides none the less.

“Cas, you and Bobby are all the family I have left, of course you can stay. I don’t know what we’re going to do or where we’re going but yeah, you can stay.” She was quiet for a moment. “Right now you’re the only thing keeping me from doing something stupid and even if you weren’t, you would still be welcome, after everything we’ve been through I would never turn you away.”

Cas nodded but didn’t say anything else besides. “Thank you.”

***

After months and months of aimless travelling and hunting Deanna and Castiel were about as healed as they were ever going to be without Sam, which really meant they weren’t healed at all. They were in Florida late one night in the balmy heat in a motel near the coast. Their hunt had been over quickly but they’d paid up until the end of the week and there was no reason for them to leave.

“Sam said he wanted me to go back to living a normal life, to go back home and start back at the garage but I can’t face it,” Deanna told Castiel, a cool beer in one hand and the other resting on the arm of the deck chairs they were sat on.

“Gabriel told me to go with you, help you set up shop and live a normal life,” Cas admitted. “But we’re not going to are we?”

“No.” They had avoided any and all cases that would have taken them back to Kansas and Bobby had always sent other hunters in their stead. “I can’t do it. The house is pretty much as we left it when me and mom left with Sam, I can’t go back there without them so I’m not going back at all.” She sighed. “I just can’t stand the thought of him down there. He’s trapped in hell with lucifer and Michael and I just… after everything that happened to him, losing Jess, then losing mom and then me…. He doesn’t deserve that Cas. No one does.”

“Deanna, if there was any way to get him back then we would be doing it,” Castiel told her, sitting up further in her seat and leaning closer to Deanna. 

“I know, I do, it’s just. There has to be a way. The cage is there to lock up an angel not a human soul so there must be someway.”

“There might just be.” Both Deanna and Castiel looked up sharply at the new arrival, Deanna had started to reach for her gun before realising who their intruder was.

“Gabriel? What are you doing here?” Deanna asked, they hadn’t seen him or Kali since they’d left.

He shrugged. “Pandora wasn’t all it promised it would be so me and Kali came back to see how this place was doing.”

“And?” Deanna asked.

“And it’s pretty much the same, power struggle in heaven, same old, same old down here.”

Castiel looked up at her brother. “Power struggle?”

“Yeah, seems Raphael is intent on running the place but can’t get enough Angels to side with him, what he did to you was pretty rough Cas and there are a lot up there who think he went a step too far. That and they’re all waiting to see if I’m going to finally come home.”

“And are you?” Deanna asked, wary of Castiel’s silence after Gabriel’s comment. They still hadn’t really discussed it but Cas still woke screaming and refused to let Deanna anywhere near her until she had calmed herself down.

“Nah, I prefer it the way it is, they can continue to fight amongst themselves for all I care and now that me and Kali are on good terms again, I’m not ruining it for the sake of my squabbling siblings.”

“Kali got you good then?” Deanna smirked and Gabriel winked at her.

“Wouldn’t have it any other way and you know it.”

“What do you mean there might be a way?” Castiel asked, looking up at her brother with a curious but concerned look on her face.

Gabriel smiled. “Dean’s right, the cage wasn’t build to hold a human - only an archangel. But although I could probably pull Sam’s body out, his soul is another matter.”

“Hold on a sec,” Deanna said, taking a long drink of her beer before putting the now empty bottle on the floor. “If there’s a way to save Sam I’ll do whatever it takes, I don’t care how hard or difficult it is to do it, lets get it done.”

“Hold on there, I never said we wouldn’t, just that it wasn’t going to be easy.” Gabriel had his hands up in front of him and looked a bit overwhelmed while Castiel was studying her brother and his reactions. 

“But why do this for us? Surely it would put you in danger? And don’t just say it’s because you’re bored. Seriously Gabriel, why help us?”

He suddenly looked uncomfortable and shook his head.

“Cas has a point Gabriel, why would you help us?”

“Because I… because I couldn’t stop what Raphael did to Cas, if I had tried he would have killed me then her. And because I couldn’t get through to my idiot brothers, and I hate that God is still no where to be found and you are both left like this. I can’t stop or save any of my family but I might be able to save Sam. It won’t make up for it, but it’s a start.” He had gotten steadily angrier and angrier the more he spoke about it.

“Gabriel, what happened to me wasn’t your fault,” Castiel told him quietly. 

“Cas, they tore your grace from you bit by bit and left you with just enough to make you human then threw you out to rot.” Castiel visibly flinched at his words and Deanna’s eyes were wide in shock. She had guessed what must have happened but to know how…. Gabriel’s expression matched hers and his arm went to rest on Castiel’s shoulder.

“Don’t, ” she told him with a fierceness Deanna hadn’t heard for a very long time. She stood and walked in an almost run to the door to their room before slamming it shut behind her.

“Shit. She didn’t tell you did she.” Gabriel sighed and rubbed at his eyes before shaking himself out of it and sitting down in Castiel’s empty seat.

“No, she won’t talk about it.”

“Probably because she doesn’t want you to worry about her on top of losing your brother.” Gabriel sounded uncharacteristically sympathetic, which meant that he was being honest.

Deanna wanted to tell Gabriel he was wrong, wanted to snap at him and make him take it back but she couldn’t.

“Yeah, yeah you’re right.” She signed and let her head fall into her hands. “I have tried though, I just… Sam would know what to say and I don’t, I can’t. He and mom were always better at that. I never know what to say.” Her voice was tight and she felt like her throat was closing up and her eyes were burning.

“And Cas wouldn’t know how to tell you even if you did.”

“I need to fix this Gabriel, me, Cas… we need Sam back.”

“I know and I promise I will do what ever I can to help you, Kali too…. Kinda, mostly she just wants to make sure I don’t screw up again but it’s not going to be easy and we can’t do it alone. We’re also probably going to incur the wrath of heaven and hell if we pull this off. They won’t be too happy about us once again going against the natural order of things.”

“I don’t care Gabriel, I meant in when I said I’d do anything.”

“Yeah well, it’s my job to make sure you’re still here when it’s over Deanna, both for your brothers sake and Cas.” He looked over at the door he knew his sister was resting behind. “She needs you too.”

Deanna was quiet for a moment but followed Gabriel’s line of sight. “I know, it goes both ways and if it was her down there- or anywhere else for that matter - I would be just as desperate to save her.”

“Me too Deanna, me too.”

***

It took them almost another year, an alliance with Death and several angels loyal to Gabriel to finally break both Sam and his soul out. Death had put up a wall in his mind which Gabriel had reinforced before leaving them alone in the front room of Bobby’s house. Castiel waited with Gabriel while Deanna sat with Sam. He had no memories of what had happened but seemed happy to stay where he was, held tight by his sister. 

Castiel knew she was crying, even Gabriel had turned away to pretend he was looking at something else and Bobby was gripping the back of his chair tightly as he watched from his desk.

“I’m okay Deanna, I’m okay.” He even looked it, Gabriel had managed to put him back together and heal all his wounds so he was better than new. Sam looked over Deanna’s shoulder at the small audience watching them.

“Cas? Bobby? Gabriel?” He seemed more surprised than anything to see the archangel and no one could blame him, until a year ago Castiel would never imagined her brother taking on anything so dangerous or selfless. He had almost been killed in the process of raising him and even now he was weakened, it would be months before his full power returned.

“That’s us.” Gabriel told him with a small smile. He was unsteady on his feet and Cas put out her arm to steady him. It seemed pointless, he was an archangel after all but he smiled. “Thanks Cas.”

“How long have I been gone?” Sam asked, looking down at his sister who still wouldn’t let him go, her dark blonde hair was pulled into a ponytail at the back of her head and every now and again she shook if from side to side. Cas was pretty sure she was crying.

“A year and ten months,” Bobby told him and Sam looked shocked.

“How?”

“Doesn’t matter Sam, no one made any deals and everyone got out of it alive. You’re back and that’s what matters,” Bobby said, walking towards him and his sister.

“That um.” He sighed. “That sounds too good to be true.”

“Good things do happen Sam,” Castiel told him in an echo of what she had once told Deanna. 

“But.” Gabriel added. “This doesn’t mean it’s plane sailing after this. We have pissed off most of heaven and particularly Raphael in the process and he’s coming for us eventually, even if it’s not right away.” He steadied himself against the door frame and Sam looked at him.

“Gabriel?”

“I’ll be fine, Kali will be here soon, for now I just… I just need to rest.” He collapsed onto the sofa closest to him face first and Castiel started after him, rearranging him on the couch and putting the blanket over him.

Deanna finally loosened her hold on her brother and sat back, wiping at her face with her hands, she was shaking and looked so happy and so relieved no one really knew what to say for a moment.

“Cas? Bobby? Come here,” Sam told them, not yet ready to stand but strong enough to put his arms around the shoulders of the man who was fast becoming the closest thing to a father he had ever known. 

Castiel waited her turn, she had never been very good at this and physical touch still made her uncomfortable. But Sam was gentle with her, only holding her as tightly as she did him and when she squeezed him tight it took him by surprise. He laughed. “I don’t remember any of where I’ve been but I missed you too Cas.” Deanna was looking at them both and Sam held an arm out. “You too, come on.” Deanna nodded and put her arms tight around Castiel and Sam. For a moment at least her family was back together.

***

 


	2. Last Night on Earth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by 4theloveoftea :)

**Chapter 2**

 

_Present_

 

“So you guys avoided all the crap we’ve had over the past few years?” Dean asked and Cas shrunk away at his side. Dean moved closer to him in response and shot him a look to tell him he didn’t mean it like that.

“It would seem so,” Castiel told them as she looked to Deanna. 

“It hasn’t been easy and we’ve lost people too but yeah, our world… we haven’t suffered as much as you have, at least not yet.”

“Trust me, as long as neither of you have struck up a deal with Crowley or are planning on opening up Purgatory then you’re all good,” Dean told them and Cas pushed his leg back against his.

Castiel’s eyes widened and she looked from one Cas to the other. They each nodded and held her gaze. 

“There was no Lisa for you to go to was there?” Dean asked, Deanna shook her head.

“It was just me, Cas and the road. She stayed human after Sam jumped into the pit.”

“Didn’t torch Michael?”

“No, Gabriel talked to him, distracted him long enough to leave me and Sam alone for a few minutes. Cas was with Kali, safe, and acting as back up,” Deanna explained, clearly able to understand what had happened in both of the other worlds.

“And how is Gabriel not dead?” Dean asked, knowing he spoke for himself and his other male counterpart. 

“Kali. Gabriel went to her, handed over his blood and told her the truth so she helped us,” Castiel explained.

“Didn’t chicken out and hide in my car then?” Other Dean asked.

“No, I mean he had this whole other plan but we convinced him to talk to her, really talk to her when he showed up and not trick her. Almost everyone else was killed in the process but we got out and Gabe told us how to reopen the cage,” Deanna told them and her Castiel nodded, clearly having been told that story afterwards.

Dean looked at other Dean. “Cassa erotica 13?” He asked.

“Yeah.”

Dean stood. “Right well, this has been great, really it has, but how about you guys and my brother stay for a girl’s heart to heart whilst we go and catch up on what’s so different between our worlds in the other room?” He was already at the door. “Come on Cas.” He paused, frowning. “And other Cas and Dean, lets see which of us has the shittiest universe.” His tone was biting but he didn’t feel like being kind. This was not what he had expected when he went to bed the night before, but then things were never quiet or calm or happy for long.

Cas stood and went to his side, talking his hand and squeezing tight. Dean held on, knowing he could let go at any point but not wanting to. Right now he didn’t care who saw and it was clear that other Dean and his girl Cas had been together for years anyway so they wouldn’t care. They followed him out of the room and into Sam’s room before shutting the door behind the four of them with perhaps more force than needed.

 

***

 

_Past, Dean and (Girl)Castiel the night before taking on Raphael._

 

“Dancing?” She asked, squinting up at him in the dim light of the room. He was pretty sure she didn’t need the light to see, though.

“Yeah, Last night on earth. As I said, you’re not dying a virgin on my watch.”

“You’re going to watch?” She looked confused rather than horrified and Dean shook his head quickly.

“No, no I’m not going to - anyway. There are a few clubs around that look okay and you can probably smite anyone who tries anything you don’t like and I’ll be close by, we can even probably afford a motel room closer to town if you want.” Cas just nodded slowly. “Come on, lets go.” Dean told her whilst heading for the door, Castiel stood a moment later and followed him out.

***

The club was one of the nicer bars but there were still a few of the more unsavoury patrons towards the back of the dance floor. Dean had made Cas lose the coat and jacket and had left them on the back seat of the impala. Her necktie had joined them and he’d unbuttoned the top three buttons that left just enough cleavage but didn’t look slutty. She had seemed baffled at the time but hadn’t said anything and had followed Dean inside.

“Right well, just have a look around, find someone you might be interested in and talk to them.”

She looked away and seemed distressed by what she could see, there were at least three couples up against the farthest wall with shirts unbuttoned and legs hitched up and over their partners legs. One couple were almost going at it in the corner and Castiel’s eyes were so wide Dean imagined them popping out of her head.

“Come on Cas, it’s not that bad. No one’s paying for it and they’re all of legal age. There has to be someone here that you’re interested in.”

Cas shook her head. “I don’t see why it matters so much to you, it really isn’t something that matters one way or the other to me.” She had started to scan the crowd and the people sat at the bar.

“Cas, seriously, we’ve been over this. If you are intent on dying tomorrow you have to at least experience all that life down here has to offer.”

“And random sex with someone in a club is part of that?”

“Yes.” Cas just looked disbelieving as she looked around.

“You could just find someone to talk to first, I’ll wait at the end of the bar.” He pointed to a few spare stools and Castiel nodded.

“I will start at this end.” She looked so serious Dean almost laughed but instead he just patted her on the shoulder and headed off to settle down for the evening, If anything, watching Castiel try to flirt with someone would be amusing enough, and if she did that intense stare that she was so good at he was pretty sure she could have anyone here.

***

Castiel seemed to have gotten into a long conversation with one of the bar staff and Dean had left them to it, his mind drifting to Sammy and he had been tempted more than once to reach into his pocket for his phone to call her. Cas had already told him she thought the silence between them was pointless and that he should try and fix things with his sister, but so far he had resisted. 

He reached for his drink and downed the last of it, pushing all thoughts of his phone firmly out of his head. 

Castiel had appeared in front of him at some point between him placing the empty glass on the bar and looking up. He should have been more surprised by it but she had so far failed to acknowledge his requests for personal space, so he saw no reason why she would start now.

“Hello Dean,” she said with a slight smile and little nod to the right.

“Hey Cas, find someone you’re interested in?” he asked.

“That depends,” she told him, sitting on the stool next to him.

“Oh? Do you want to wait around for your friend on the bar to finish up for the night?” he asked, looking at the male bartender Cas had spent a good portion of time talking to.

“No, Steven is a very good listener and has explained human dating etiquette and one night stands. He is happily involved with a local college student called Cathy and he plans to marry her once she graduates.”

“So this whole time you’ve just been talking?”

“Yes.”

“Huh.” Dean looked down at his empty glass. “So, what do you mean by that depends?”

“I was wondering if you would be happy to assist me.”

“Sorry?”

Cas tipped her head to the side with an odd sort of smile on her face. “You seem to think it is important that I don’t die a virgin. Steven explained to me, amongst other things, friends with benefits and one night stands and I wondered if you would be willing. I understand if it makes you uncomfortable and if you say no I think I’d just like to go back and spend the night as I originally intended.”

Dean was silent for a few moments but Castiel seemed happy to wait for his answer. “There is no one here that you would rather sleep with?” he asked, disbelieving.

“No.” Dean blinked at her response. “Dean, I would only want to have sex with someone I trusted. I trust you, but if you are unwilling then I will spend the night in quiet contemplation or we can do something else.”

“Cas….” Dean shook his head.

“Dean, you don’t have to.”

“It’s not that, I just didn’t consider it, you sure though? If you do live past tomorrow it could make things uncomfortable.”

“Not for me, you would just be helping me to further understand humanity.” She was so sincere and it took Dean by surprise.

“I don’t think I’m any where near drunk enough for this and it’s probably going to be all kind of awkward but why not?”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes Cas, I’m sure.” He stood up, the dance floor behind them was filled with people and he couldn’t think of a better way of getting Cas to loosen up than joining in. “Come on.” He took her hand and lead her into the crowd of people and made sure to put his arms around her waist should anyone else get the wrong idea. Cas looked like she was going to ask him something but instead she just moved against him and followed his movements, placing her arms around his neck as she could see other couples doing. She was staring at him again, only her expression seemed softer somehow and Dean smiled.

“You okay?” he asked, tightening his arms around her when a couple near by bumped into them. Cas nodded but her eyes kept flicking down to his mouth. He closed his eyes for a moment before he leaned in and nudged her nose with his. It was easier than looking at her or at the look of surprise in her eyes. She seemed to understand what he was doing and she tilted her head just so and he pressed his lips against hers. She mirrored everything he did but stilled within his arms as though her entire attention was focused on kissing him. It was good, a little odd and not what he was used to but good none the less.

She seemed to have forgotten though that Dean needed to breathe and he had to pull himself backwards and rest his forehead against hers whilst he recovered. 

“Was that not okay?” she asked and when he moved his head far enough back to look at her his breath caught in his throat.

“No, no, it was fine Cas, just need a moment.” Her eyes were wide and her cheeks looked flushed. Her lips were slightly swollen and at that angle Dean could see her cleavage on show through the v in her open shirt. 

Castiel just smiled, knowing he was looking and not doing anything to stop him. “Should we go back?”

“Yeah.” He took another deep breath and lead her out of the crowd, keeping an arm around her waist to keep her close to him. “But not to the house, we’ll head to the motel we saw on the way in.”

She looked at him in surprise but he didn’t offer any other explanation. He just couldn’t image sleeping with her in that decrepit house, he would have also preferred somewhere other than a crappy motel but he didn’t have the cash and was pretty sure she wouldn’t care either way.

***

It was awkward, but only to start with, Castiel had removed her clothes and watched as Dean did the same. He wanted to ask her to look away but didn’t, she had already told him before that she’d reconstructed him after their escape from hell so modesty seemed pointless. 

He laid down next to her and she rolled towards him, kissing him again, letting Dean pull the bed sheets over them. Aside from that she seemed to go along with whatever he wanted so, when she’d let him roll on top of her he stopped.

“Cas…. You want to do this right?” Cas just looked at him. “You’re not just doing this because of what I said?”

“Dean.” She sighed and brought her arms up around his back, pulling him down to be flush against her again and he stifled a moan. She was a fast learner. “I wouldn’t do anything I didn’t want to, but you know what you’re doing and I don’t, this is your area of expertise.” She was rocking against him now and his dick twitched in response, he would only have to move a little lower to be inside her and he wanted it, really wanted it, but he had to make sure that she did too.

“So this is fine?”

“Dean.” She fixed him with the stare that normally meant he was being ridiculous. 

“Just wanted to make sure.” She pulled herself up against him and kissed him again, moving her hips just so against him and he moaned into her mouth.

“Shit, Cas.” He broke away as he remembered something. “Just give me a minute.” She let go of him but followed his movements. He was routing through the pockets of his jeans, cursing at himself for almost forgetting. Cas was an angel so it was easy to forget but he didn’t want to risk anything and unsafe sex or a risk of pregnancy were not things he wanted to take a chance on.

“Dean, what are you doing?” 

He finally found the condom, ripped it open with practiced ease and rolled it on, holding back a moan and gripped himself tightly for a moment.

“Sorry, I’ve never forgotten before.”

She was looking at him with a frown on her face as he came back towards her and kissed her before lining up again.

“You don’t need one, not with me.” Cas told him.

“No, not risking it, not with you, not with anyone,” he told her seriously, bending down to kiss her again, long and deep this time until she was rocking up against him and breathing his name. She felt good when he moved inside her and she was more responsive than he had expected, when her legs came up and wrapped themselves around his back he put more power behind his thrusts and made sure to keep kissing her because she liked that, as she breathed his name and rolled her head back with a groan. She was beautiful like this and he wondered if this was how she was, how she could be underneath the stern glances and mission to find God. It was a shame he wouldn’t be able to find out.

When she came he wasn’t far behind her and he stayed deep whilst his orgasm took over, Cas held him tight and kissed him, hands digging in to the back of his head and chest heaving with breathes she didn’t need to take.

***

After he had pulled out and cleaned up he came back to bed, Castiel didn’t need to sleep but she had stayed where she was with one of his old tee shirts and a pair of his boxer shorts on. She had been serious about doing this properly and although he wanted to tell her most random hook ups ended before this point he couldn’t. He was enjoying this maybe as much or more than she was.

As soon as he had laid down in bed she had settled herself on her side facing him. He wondered if touching her was still okay, if they really were going to maintain the facade until the morning.

“What did you mean when you said I didn’t need a condom?” he asked instead. 

“I can’t get pregnant and this vessel is clean.” She told him and he noticed she was edging herself ever closer, probably waiting until he told her to stop. He didn’t and instead sat up enough to move and nudge her head, putting his arm underneath and pulling her the rest of the distance to his chest until she was flush against his side.

“Because you’re an Angel?” he asked, suddenly wondering about how that worked, whether or not they froze the mechanics of their vessel and it all stopped working as it should.

“No, not entirely. Jane Beaumont had a full hysterectomy after the birth of her daughter Claire, by all rights she should have died giving birth but she survived and it helped to fuel her faith.”

“Angelic intervention?” Dean asked, enjoying the feel and warmth of Castiel’s body against his.

“Yes. Vessels are rare and important so sometimes we step in and aid in recoveries that would otherwise be impossible, Jane Beaumont would have died without our help and with no brothers or sisters and only a baby left with the bloodline, she had to be saved.”

“Makes sense.” He ran his fingers along her side and smiled when she rested her head fully against him. “And you can’t heal her?”

“I can’t heal what isn’t there.” She told him and Dean nodded.

“What about other angels, can they have children whilst in a vessel?”

“It is forbidden for human’s and Angels to sleep together so I do not know, but it has always been daughters of man and sons of heaven and their offspring were hunted down and killed,” Cas explained.

“Forbidden, huh?” Dean could add this to his list.

Cas laughed. “I don’t think it matters at this point Dean, I have already disobeyed heaven and chosen to ally myself with you and Sammy and there’s no risk of offspring and no way to punish me.” She sounded a little sad at the end.

“Cas.” Dean didn’t know what else to say aside from. “Whatever you need, however I can help, I will.”

She moved her head and looked up at him. “Is this pillow talk?” 

Dean laughed. “Yeah, but I mean it too.”

“Okay then.” Then she smiled. “You can sleep Dean, I’ll watch over you.”

 

***

_Present_

 

“So, when did things change between you two then?” Girl Cas (As Dean has taken to thinking of her - well this one anyway, it’s getting confusing with two girl Cas’s, the other him and Deanna he can deal with because at least he knows which is which. The two Castiel’s can only be separated by which Dean/Deanna they arrived there with.)

“What do you mean?” Dean asked, because change means many things and he and Cas have been through so many they could be talking about any of them. His Cas seems to know exactly what they mean because he answers before anyone else can.

“After I became human, when heaven was closed off. I decided to stay with Dean and Sam for good. That was a few months ago.”

Girl Cas nodded.

“So.” Other Dean started and Dean knew that tone and that he wasn’t really going to like what was said next. “Before that, did you guys ever… you know, last night of the world?” 

Cas narrowed his eyes in confusion and Dean took a while to understand what they meant.

“That thing with Raphael?”

“Yeah.” 

“I took Cas to a strip club, he scared the girl away and we were chased out. Good night out actually,” He said, smiling at the memory.

“I didn’t understand how integral daddy issues were to the sex industry at the time,” Cas added and Dean chuckled and bumped their shoulders together.

“So you never…” Other Dean looked surprised as he gestured between them.

“We didn’t sleep together, that has only been a recent occurrence,” Cas informed them, using Dean’s preferred term and the one he was most comfortable with. Dean almost made a comment about over share but it seemed pointless when they were talking to other them.

“Really?” Other Dean seemed disbelieving.

“I take it this means you guys did?” Dean asked.

“Yes,” Girl Cas told him. “Dean took me out dancing, told me I could choose anyone I wanted to go home with but he was the only one I trusted so… well.” She didn’t need to explain any further.

“So you’ve been together a long time then?” Cas asked, but he looked as though he wasn’t sure that was the case and Dean could understand why, after all their universes were pretty similar and that Castiel would still have made the same terrible choices his had. Dean was certain if they’d been more than friends back then he’d never have left for Lisa’s and Cas would never have taken matters into his own hands the way he had. At least he hoped not.

“Ah, no,” Other Dean told them. “Sleeping together was not our best moment, it made things a lot more complicated for a long time. We only worked things out in purgatory and after we got back.”

“We?” Dean asked and he felt Cas flinch at his side.

“Yes.” Girl Cas looked between them but her eyes settled on Cas.

“You didn’t go with him did you?” She asked and Cas shook his head. “I wasn’t going to either, thought I deserved to be there and I would have stayed… but… Dean he, he made it clear I had no other choice but to leave.”

“He tried, he really tried but I couldn’t, I didn’t deserve it.” Castiel looked down at his lap rather than face the others.

“Neither did I, but Dean made a few things clear and I had no choice.” Her Dean took her hand in his and held on tight. No one spoke for a few minutes and the air around them was heavy. It was clear that this was when their respective universes diverged. Dean slid his arm around Cas’s back and squeezed his hip. What had happened was in the past after all.

Eventually Other Dean looked up at Dean. “When did you realise?” he asked and this time Dean knew exactly what he meant. He also couldn’t believe he was being as honest as he was but they had passed all the tests and knowing Gabriel this was part of his wacked out plan, so he answered as honesty as Cas had been doing. Even though he hated having to do so.

“After purgatory, when Cas was brought back, when I realised I hadn’t been the one to let go of his hand.” He knew that hadn’t happened between them in quite the same way but it was enough to make them understand.

“Seriously?” Other Dean looked offended. “That long?”

“I said realised, not, look you know what I mean, you must otherwise you wouldn’t have left her for Lisa or slept with her without talking about it.” 

Other Dean nodded.

“Yeah, you’re right.” He looked down into his lap as he spoke.

“It worked then?” Cas asked girl Cas. “You left purgatory with Dean?”

She nodded.“Yes, I lost my powers and became human in the process but it worked.”

“Is heaven closed off in your world?” Cas suddenly seemed filled with questions.

“Yes, the same time it was here. Only it wasn’t me.” She looked sad.

“Who then?”

“Balthazar, Metatron tricked him.”

“He’s not dead?” Cas asked, eyes wide in surprise and Dean tightened his arm around him. That was still a sore point and of all his regrets Dean knew it was one of his deepest because Balthazar had been one of his closest friends.

“No, he went to ground when Dean told him what I had done, his cowardice saved his life but he thinks he was punished for it anyway. Half the fallen angels want his blood, the others want to thank him and he spends most of his time hiding in his mansion or with us at the bunker,” She explained, still looking sad and it was clear there was more to it but also that it had nothing to do with them or their history.

“Right, well, on that bombshell do you think you guys could give us some time alone?” Dean asked and other Dean looked up at him then nodded. They seemed to understand each other as well as Cas and Girl Cas did.

“Sure, come on Cas.” She stood with him and followed, stopping to place her hand on Cas’s shoulder and squeezed, their eyes met and an understanding passed between them before she let go and they left, leaving Dean and Cas alone in the room.

 

***


	3. Eye of the Needle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No one really knows what Gabriel is up to, but there is a closer look at Dean, Sammy and Cas' Universe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by 4theloveoftea, which is why this is a little bit late because she's really busy at the moment and I am not confident enough to post it without her checking over my work.

**Chapter 3**

 

_Purgatory, Dean, Sammy and Cas universe_

 

They were near the exit now, they could see it at the top of the rocky verge. Benny was safely stored away and three leviathan lay dead at their feet.

“Cas, come on, we’re almost there.” He held out his hand to her and although she took it her hesitation spoke volumes. “We’re getting out of here Cas, right now.”

She met his eyes. “Dean.” And just like the first time he’d realised she’d lied to him about her deal with Crowley, he felt his heart sink. She was doing it again, or had been. He realised then that she had never had any intention of leaving with him, just ensuring he managed to get out safely.

“I’m not leaving here without you,” he had to shout over the noise of the portal raging behind them but he knew she could hear him.

“I can’t,” she told him, shaking her head and looking above them. “I don’t deserve to get out Dean, I have done so much, caused too much suffering on Earth and in Heaven. You have to leave without me.”

“No, I don’t.” He grabbed her hand and she didn’t let go but he suspected that was more reflex than anything else. “Let me bottom line it for you Cas, either you come with me or I stay here and let Benny out again.”

“Dean!” she was almost pleading with him and her hair whipped around her face obscuring her eyes for moments at a time but he knew she was staring straight at him.

“What about Sammy?” she asked, doing it on purpose, knowing that Sammy was always his biggest concern.

“She will be fine, she’s safe there and you know it. Sammy doesn’t... Sammy won’t be alone but if I leave I leave you alone and surrounded by everything that wants you dead.”

“I deserve to stay Dean, I need to be punished.” She looked so much like she believed it.

He gave a harsh bark of laughter at that and it carried over the noise around them. “Well then so do I because leaving would mean living in a world without you and I won’t do it Cas, I can’t, not again and not when we’re so close to getting out.” She faltered then and stepped towards him. “Please Cas.” He reached his other arm out to her and held on to her shoulder. “Please, if you stay here and I leave without you and I… I don’t know how to deal with that Cas, if you want to be punished then fine but there are other ways, better ways. I need you, Cas and you damn well know why.”

“Dean.” She looked down at the ground and he couldn’t take it, couldn’t do this anymore. Cas looked as though she was about to say something else but he stopped her before she could.

“No, you shut up and you listen to me. I love you Cas - I need you, so you either leave with me now or we both stay here and wait for that portal to close.”

“I won’t condemn you to this Dean.” She stared at him for a while longer, face close to his and her hair hitting the side of his head, closing them off from their surroundings for seconds at a time.  
“Then come with me.” His voice was softer and no longer pleading because Dean realised he’d gotten through to her.

She nodded and Dean kissed her, a fast press of his lips against hers before he let go of her hand and lifted her up and over his shoulder.

“Dean! I said I’ll go with you -”

“And as you have constantly been reminding me, we still don’t know whether or not you can make it through, so this way I’m hoping the portal won’t be able to figure out human from angel.” He climbed as he spoke and she held on, locking her arms beneath his arm where he held her over his shoulders. His grip on her was tight and together they stepped through the portal.

 

***

He heard her screaming but couldn’t separate it enough from his own to know whether or not she was feeling the same thing as him or she was being rejected but he could still feel her warmth against his back and hear her voice as they moved through the void. He felt as though he was being torn into pieces then shoved back together and the next thing he was really aware of was being thrown on the floor of a forest with Cas dumped on top of him.

“Cas, Cas, you okay?” He was panting, having had the breath knocked out of him by their return. She grumbled but moved her head up to look at him.

“Yes Dean, although my power appears to be diminished.” She sat up next to Dean but he rose at the same time and pulled her towards him. She didn’t say anything else but she held on tightly for a couple of minutes, burying her head in the crook of his neck and breathing in his warmth.

“Hey, Cas we’re okay, we’re back but we need to release Benny then find Sam. You got enough juice for that?”

She leaned back within the circle of his arms.

“Yes, but we should go now.” He nodded and stood, pulling her to her feet, he let go but she swayed to the side so he put his arm around her and held her against him.

“Let’s go.” 

***

Benny stood before them, looking confused but happy and Cas stayed at Dean’s side the entire time. Benny looked between the two of them and shook his head, smiling.

“Took you two long enough” he said as he started to walk away. “Look after yourselves and that sister of yours.” 

“Will do,” Dean told him and Benny just waved without turning around and headed off into the distance. Dean felt Cas lull and fall against him, letting him support all her weight.

“Cas?” Her head was tipped backwards and he used his other hand to support it and bring her eyes back level with his. His hand was shaking and he pushed the wave of panic that had risen back down to where it came from, there was no time for this, not now Cas was going to be fine.

“I think we’re going to have to find another way out of here, I don’t have enough power to get us back to the cabin,” she admitted, her voice sounding as drained as she looked.

“It’s okay Cas, you’ve done enough.” She leaned into his touch and smiled weakly.

“I don’t think it’s going to come back Dean. I think this is it,” she told him and raised an arm to get a better hold on him.

“That’s okay too Cas, you’re going to be fine.” Because if he said it enough then it would come true, they had gotten out and they were back - there was no way he was planning on losing her now. “Save whatever it is you have left, we can get back the old fashioned way.”

“Dean?” He looked at her again and she lifted her head enough to kiss him. 

“Yeah Cas?”

“This is all I have left.” And he watched as she grabbed a hand full of her dirty and tattered trench coat, a moment later it was as pristine again. The rest of her still looked as dirty and grubby as before and as soon as they made it back to the cabin he was putting her straight into the bath, but it looked good to see her in the coat again even given the circumstances.

She tried to stand on her own but he kept his arm tight around her. “We can stop and rest,” he told her and he meant it. Sammy would still be fine even if it took them a few hours more to contact her.

“No, I, I want to get back, we need to call Sammy.” Her heels dug into the soft grass as they walked and he made sure their progress was slow enough that she didn’t need to stop.

***

Two cars and more miles than he could count later, he pushed open the door to the cabin with Cas at his side. She was still weak but had eaten and drank without complaint and was happy enough to be put down on the sofa after he removed her coat. It was still clean and Dean’s forehead creased in confusion.

“What did you do to it?” he asked, hanging it over the edge of the sofa.

“Enchanted it,” she told him, lifting her feet as he took off her shoes.

“Oh.” He stopped when he realised all she was wearing were the hospital scrubs she had had on when they found her in the hospital, with only a bra underneath. He had undressed her more times than he could count but he wasn’t sure how she would feel about him doing it now.

“I don’t mind, but you should take care of yourself too,” she told him, sitting forwards and pulling the shirt over her head. Dean stared, blinked a few times and then shrugged off his jacket, Cas was still Cas and didn’t look worse for wear after purgatory and as much as he wanted to take her to bed, he wanted a shower and to contact his sister more.

“I’ll start the shower running then call Sammy, there’s towels and everything in there so use whatever you want.” She nodded so he set about getting everything ready for her. “I can grab some of Sammy’s clothes for you too, doesn’t look like she’s been living here but they should fit you well enough for now.”

Cas stood, now only in her underwear (and he knew she was only doing that for his benefit) and walked slowly over to him in the doorway.

“Your clothes will be fine.”

Dean’s eyes widened at that. “Seriously?”

She nodded. “Until I have some of my own I’d rather wear yours, Boxer shorts and a T shirt will be fine.”

***

It had taken almost the entire length of Cas’ shower to finally get through to a relieved and surprised Sammy who had promised to be on her way as soon as possible and was apparently only half a day’s drive away. Given that it was now just after 8 in the morning they were expecting her around 7pm.

Cas emerged from the bathroom in Dean’s black boxer shorts and an old grey t shirt without her bra on and her near black hair brushed but still wet.

“Your turn,” she told him, heading back to the couch and settling herself down.

“You gonna be okay?” he asked, hand gripping the bathroom door as he leaned out. He knew it was probably a stupid question to ask but he worried, seeing her human again and curled up in his clothes, even if at the same time it warmed him and brought feelings to the surface he’d tried not to think too hard about over the past couple of years.

“I’ll be fine Dean, wake me when you’re finished,” she told him, meeting his eyes to let him know that angel mojo or not she would still be there when he was done.

“Okay, if Sammy calls, answer it.” But she was likely on the verge of sleep because all he got in response was a grunt.

***

Dean woke her long enough to move her and lie with his back against the couch and Cas warm against his front. He wrapped his arms around her and she turned, slipping a leg between his and sliding her arms under his. 

“Sammy will be here later,” he told her then pressed his face into her still damp hair and breathed her in. She nodded against his chest and pulled herself a little closer.

“You need to relax Dean,” she mumbled and ran her hand across his tense shoulder.

“I don’t need to sleep, I’ll be fine,” he said, understanding everything she wasn’t saying. In truth he’d been on autopilot since they’d gotten back and it was only now that the enormity of what had happened was starting to hit him. Holding Cas meant both having something else to concentrate on and also feeling safe enough to start to wind down. But he didn’t want to sleep, didn’t want to risk an attack from some unknown force that had risen in their absence. Really though he was also a little afraid that if he slept he’d wake to find that Cas hadn’t returned with him at all and he was now in fact either alone, in some new form of heaven or unconscious on a forest floor several hundred miles away.

“This is real Dean, all of it. I’ll still be here when you wake up.” Cas’ voice was firm and although she wasn’t looking at him he knew what expression would be on her face. And being reprimanded like this was such a Cas thing to do that he felt himself relax, just slightly, just enough for the exhaustion of the past year to take hold and although he wasn’t asleep just yet he knew it wasn’t far off.

He took a deep breath then laughed. “Cas? Did you use my shower gel?” 

“Yes. I didn’t want to smell like Sammy, I though it might make you uncomfortable.”

He chuckled again. “Yeah, well, we’ll get you some of your own when we sort out your clothes.” Cas nodded against him in reply but didn’t say anything else. It probably hadn’t sunk in for her yet either,  that they had made it out of purgatory, that her powers might be gone and she may not be an Angel any more. But they could deal with it all later. 

***

Sammy used her own key to get into the cabin and she did so quietly and carefully so as not to wake her brother and Cas. By the time she was inside though Dean was awake and staring at her from over the top of Cas’ head.

“Cas, wake up. Sammy’s here.” She smiled at her brother, dropped her bag in front of the now closed door and walked towards them. It was surreal and unexpected but all she really felt in that moment was relief, they were safe and alive and here. 

As soon as they were both stood Dean grabbed hold of her and pulled her into a hug, lifting her just off the ground and squeezing tight.

“I missed you too Dean but I can’t breathe,” Sammy gasped out and Dean put her down. Cas stood awkwardly at his side and looked like she wasn’t sure what to do, hugs never seemed to work between the two of them but Sammy found she wanted to try one more time so she held out her arms. “Come on Cas.” She stepped awkwardly into her arms and held on for as long as Sammy did.

“It is good to see you Sammy.”

“You too Cas, did none of my clothes here fit you?” she asked with a smile and Cas looked away and blushed. “We can sort that out tomorrow, for now I brought pie and beer.” She smiled at her brother and he looked at her in relief. It was clear he had questions, that he wanted to know what had gone on in the past year, but for now they seemed to agree to just leave that for tomorrow or the day after. There weren’t too many high points in their lives and this reunion looked like it was one of them. “You want to join us Cas? I know you don’t really eat but it’s a special occasion.”

“Actually for the moment at least, I do.” She was looking at the ground with her hands in fists at her sides. 

“Cas?”

“When we left purgatory it would seem that the journey back stripped me of my powers and what was left I used to get us as close to here as possible. So for now I’m human.” She looked at Dean who was now stood closer than he had been previously.

“You okay?” He asked her quietly and she nodded.

“This is more than I hoped for Dean.” And Sammy could tell there was more said there than Cas’ words, that they meant more than she could understand. But she also knew they would tell her what had happened later - maybe not the whole truth because Dean still kept things from her to protect her and Cas would respect his wishes - but it really wasn’t the time, not when they hadn’t been back a day. The only things that were clear so far were that Cas was no longer crazy and that they were both back safe and alive.

“Okay then,” Sammy spoke louder than was necessary but it had the intended effect, the focus was now back on her rather than the more sombre topics that were better left in purgatory. “Pie?”

Dean smiled, taking Cas’ hand and sitting them back down again, making room for Sammy on his other side who reached for the bag of food she’d brought with her before joining them. “The pie is from a bakery I drove past on the way up here, cherry and apple, but we only have spoons.”

“Best sister ever,” Dean whispered but his attention was on the pie rather than either of the other occupants on the couch. Sammy looked at Castiel over Dean’s back as he popped open the pie lid and dug in. ‘You okay?’ she mouthed and Castiel nodded, smiling.

‘Later,’ she mouthed in response and that was good enough for her for now.

 

***

_Present_

 

Gabriel watched them all in their respective rooms but had stopped being amused an hour or so ago. He had known things were bad here - it was the reason he had chose it - but it was worse for Castiel and Dean from the world he had almost chosen. He couldn’t do anything to help other than bring them with him to this world. There were worse universes but they normally involved them all being dead or only Sam left behind in a world where Dean and Castiel never left purgatory. Part of him hated how much he now cared, how far he had gone to make sure they were safe and well and that their world wasn’t destroyed by yet another of his siblings. Kali had mocked him to start with, before she let herself admit how much the idea of their world being destroyed had scared her but he had known that already. She had made that clear in the whole council of the gods fiasco that had nearly killed them both.

He missed her, even though it had been less than ten hours since he had last seen her and would likely be back in a day or so. Everything, all of it made him grateful that things had worked out for the better because his Deanna and Sam were happier and their choices had been different. Everything seemed to lie with them and the decisions that they made and for the first time he appreciated how much of a burden that was to lay on two siblings who were just trying to keep themselves and their self made families alive.

In this universe he hadn’t been a part of that and knowing what it felt like in his own it saddened him that in so many words he had lost out and had never had a proper second chance with Kali. Because he could lie about it all he wanted but he loved her, always had and always would. He didn’t care if that made him whipped or under the thumb or any of those things. He would take her, fire, destruction and temper included over almost everyone and everything else.

But Deanna, Sam and Castiel were his family and they ranked up there with Kali, and he had meant what he said in his final confrontations with his brothers - none of their issues were worth destroying the world over and he would stand in the way of any of them who tried. This time he just had to figure out how.

 

***

_Dean, Sammy and Cas universe after they found the bunker._

 

The bunker had been an unexpected surprise and Dean, Cas and Sammy had spent most of the first evening just wandering around and taking everything in. Sammy had fallen asleep in the library with Cas snoozing in an arm chair and Dean watching over them. It had been a hard few months with Cas adjusting to her new humanity and life with him and Sammy, but it had been worth it. She and Sammy had always been good friends and had only gotten closer and her relationship with Dean was the best it had ever been. If it hadn’t been for the trials and everything else hanging over them then he was risking being truly happy for the first time in his life.

Balthazar and his frequent appearances were still strange and always unexpected but he seemed to really want to help - especially Cas, he had appointed himself her guardian and promised to be there if she ever needed anything. It was oddly touching and Cas had confided in Dean that she was so, so glad he hadn’t answered her summons during the whole mess with Crowley because she didn’t think he would still be there if he had.

“We are safe here you know,” Sammy told him, her voice quiet and groggy from across the table. Her hair was messy and the imprint of the book she was ready showed clearly on her cheek.

“Yeah, yeah I know.” He looked over at Cas, asleep and covered in her trench coat - still enchanted with the last of her grace and would probably stay that way.

“There are bedrooms too, more than enough for us and Kathryn as well if she wants to join us.” 

Dean smiled. “Yeah, I noticed. We can set them up later on tomorrow, probably need to wash everything but it’ll do for now.” 

“You going to share with Cas?” Sammy asked, looking at her curled up on the couch as Dean had done only moments before.

“I don’t know, she might want her own space and I haven’t had a room of my own since I was 4.”

Sammy smiled and yawned, stretching her arms above her head. “I have to admit it’ll be nice to have my own room and it’s strange to think that this could become our home.” But she looked concerned.

“Yeah, but look at the place Sammy, there’s more books than you could ever read on every type of lore we have ever come across and then some. I saw the look on your face when we walked in here, Cas’ too.”

“I’m not saying that it’s not amazing Dean, really I already really like it here, but the idea of this place becoming our home is more than a little overwhelming.” 

“I know.” Dean smiled sadly and looked back to Cas, having these sorts of conversations was easier when he could focus on something else.

“It’s strange though isn’t it? That if things had been different we still would have ended up in this life one way or another.” Sammy had liked their grandfather and was probably the one most upset about his death.

Dean was silent in reply, he didn’t like thinking about it. He had never known a normal life like Sammy had, had never not been a hunter but he had always thought that was because of their mothers death. To know that regardless he might always been involved in all of this and Sammy would never have had a chance for something different made him so sad he didn’t know what to do with it. He couldn’t help but wonder if he would even have met Castiel, but he somehow didn’t think they’d had managed to avoid that. Gabriel had told them it was destined after all. 

“Dean?”

“Sorry Sammy, it’s just a bit much.”

“Yeah, yeah I know.”

***

Cas had been fine with Dean wanting his own room and chose the one next to his with Sammy taking one across from them in an effort to avoid the noise. They had headed into town to pick up more clothes and Cas had spent the money Balthazar had sent her on as many books as she could find, she had taken almost everything from the thrift store that wasn’t in the trashy romance pile and a few from the nicer book shops they had come across on their last hunt. They had moved a couple of bookshelves into her room as well as a desk and she had already mostly filled them. Cas still didn’t like to sleep and seemed plagued by insomnia so she’d read a large number of them already and had started categorising them by which ones she had enjoyed more. 

Sammy had been intrigued by her collection given that several of them were in different languages but Cas had shrugged, telling her that some things were lost in translation.

Despite having her own room she rarely slept in there, on the nights when she did want to sleep she stayed with Dean and others she sat up reading in hers.

“You know we don’t just have to sleep in my bed.” 

She looked up to see Dean in the doorway and immediately closed and put down her book.

“You’re tired and it’s been a long day,” Cas told him.

“Yeah, well just because I now sleep for 6 to 8 hours a night doesn’t mean I need to, or want to. Not when I know you’re holed up in here.” He looked around at all the books neatly lined up on the shelves on one side and the desk on the other.

“You like having your own space.”

He nodded. “Yeah, but there’s an extra couple of pillows in there for a reason Cas, I might like having my own room - and it’s clear you do too but it doesn’t mean want to sleep alone every night.”

“It’s not every night,” she reminded him, she spent as many nights with him as she did on her own.

“No, but it’s enough.” He stepped further into the room. “Is everything okay? I mean I know things haven’t been easy for you but I thought things were getting better.”

She slid her legs up and made room for Dean to sit down on the bed.

“Things are fine. I just didn’t want to get in your way or keep you up.” She held up her book as an explanation.

“I can sleep with the light on.”

She smiled. “Is that your way of saying you want me to sleep in your room all the time?”

He held out his hand to her and she took it, even moved forwards on the bed to be closer to him.

“Not if you don’t want to, we can stay in here too. I just… I.” He shook his head. “I’m really not very good at this.”

Cas looked at him with the same concerned expression he had seen hundreds of times. “Dean.”

“Are you happy here Cas? Are you happy living here with me and Sammy?” He felt pained saying it and must have looked the same way.

“Dean, Dean look at me.” It wasn’t until he did that she continued talking and she held his hand tightly in hers the whole time. “I still think I have more than I deserve here with you and Sammy, especially since she insisted on taking on the trials and I don’t know what else to do so make up for everything I have done. But I don’t see what leaving would accomplish. For the first time in a long time I feel as though I am making a difference, hunting and living here with you and Sammy feels right and I’m not going to leave you willingly.” She looked away. 

“I love you Dean, I may not say it but you know I do and I won’t put you through that, I don’t think I would survive if I left you and then I would never be able to atone for anything I’ve done.”

Dean didn’t know what to say in response, nothing he thought about seemed right but Cas didn’t seem as though she was waiting for him to say anything at all. That in its self spoke volumes.

He leaned forwards and kissed her instead, slow and long and deep until she was breathless and her hands dug into his shoulders.

“Dean?” But he only smiled in response and closed the small distance between them again. “What are you doing?” She sounded confused though, not angry and made no move to stop him.

“Do you want me to say it?” he asked, knowing that he was blushing. He was still terrible at discussing his feelings. Cas seemed to understand though and she smiled.

“Like at the cabin that first night?” she asked and he nodded, wanting very much for this conversation to be over. It shouldn’t embarrass him, but it did because how ever you dressed it up it sounded corny as fuck and he had always considered himself better than that.

“Yeah, Cas.” He brought his arms up and around her, sliding underneath the old t shirt of his she still insisted on wearing to bed and she sighed as he lowered her down onto the mattress. She reached for him the moment he leaned back to take his shirt off and pulled him down again when he’d thrown it onto the floor. Cas was smiling and Dean felt his heart melt in the way he always pretended it didn’t when he looked at her. But he knew, Sammy knew - everyone who looked at them knew how he felt about her and he sent as many prayers skyward as he could to ask to keep this - to keep his sister and Cas safe.

He didn’t know how long it would last or if it was even possible but for as long as he could he would fight for it.

 

***

_Present_

 

Dean had locked the door when they entered the room, leaving them alone. Cas was sat facing the window, her hands in her lap and her gaze unfocussed. Dean walked back over to the bed and sat down close to her, he seemed to hesitate for a moment before putting his arm around her waist, she didn’t look at him but she did move closer. 

“Why are we here?” she asked at last and Dean shrugged against her and kissed the top of her head before he spoke.

“Because Gabriel has a sick sense of humour in whatever universe he exists in.” His voice was strained and Cas closed her eyes against the pain for a moment. “Only, I don’t understand what the lesson is here - well done? Your Universe is freed from the influence of hell and this one isn’t?”

Cas shook her head. “I don’t think that’s it, not entirely and he hasn’t told the others why we’re here either. There must be something here he wants us to see.”

“Yeah well, no offence but your brother’s sense of humour sucks.”

“He is the Archangel of justice, not comedy, despite being Loki and the Trickster.” It was her attempt at being lighthearted but it fell flat and instead she sounded as serious and defeated as she felt.

“Come on, take your coat and shoes off,” Dean said letting go of her and instead lying on top of the covers. She did so and followed him, laying down and staying close to his side, he put his arms around her again and held her close. She didn’t speak, her head swimming with all the things she wanted to say, had said and thought she should. That she was so sorry, that she wished it had been her over Sammy all the time - that Dean should never have had to live in a world without his sister. Castiel looked at him, stared as she had done so many times, trying to get the message across because despite Dean’s firm hold on her and what she could read in his eyes she still felt inferior, like nothing she could do could ever fill the hole left by Sammy, that she wasn’t worth the time trying.

“Cas,” Dean breathed out, kissing her once, twice before continuing. “It wasn’t your fault, Sammy made her choice and there was nothing we could have done to stop her.”

She wanted to argue and point out that he was wrong - had to be wrong. The Dean in this world had stopped Sam from completing the sacrifice and they both knew why. Dean and Castiel here were weeks away from becoming what they were now and she couldn’t help but blame herself for that. Sammy wouldn’t have left them if Cas hadn’t returned with Dean from purgatory.

“What ever you are thinking Cas, don’t. I need you just as much as I needed Sammy - no matter what she thought. Please stop blaming yourself, please.” 

She closed her eyes against the tears building up and moved her arm around Dean, holding on tight as she tucked her head underneath his chin.

“I won’t apologise for brining you home with me and I’m not sorry for finally realising how much you mean to me or for the year the three of us spent together. It was the best year of my life Cas, you me and Sammy together.” He took a shaky breath before continuing. “Sam here almost made the same choice and that Dean and Cas weren’t together then… it doesn’t matter. We can’t change it.” 

Cas heard the silent _can’t live with it either_ but didn’t say anything else. There was nothing she could do, the Angels had fallen at Balthazar’s hand and hell was locked up. Their lives were quieter that in this world but it left her wondering if they would ever truly be okay again. She wondered if Sammy realised that it wasn’t just her that was sacrificing something, that anyone who had known her and had lived through her loss had done so as well.

“I am glad Sam isn’t a Sammy in this universe, I don’t think I could have coped seeing a version of her that’s alive and recovering.” Dean spoke so quietly that Cas barely heard him even from the small distance between them. In reply she squeezed him tighter and slipped her legs in between his and then lay quietly like they had done so much recently until someone wanted to come and disturb them.

 

 

***

 


	4. Questions and Difficult Answers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'Our' Dean and Castiel struggle to understand why they are being faced with seemingly better versions of themselves and Sam starts asking all the questions he'd been holding back when he gets the chance to speak to Deanna and her Castiel alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by 4theloveoftea xxx

**Chapter 4**

 

_Present_

 

“Why are they even here?” Dean asked.

“I don’t know, but Gabriel would not have brought them here by accident.” Cas sounded subdued and Dean hated that, hated that he was quiet and sombre again when things had been better, Cas had been getting used to being human and living his life with him and Sam. 

“That son of a bitch has a sick sense of humour,” Dean told him. 

“You really don’t like that they are here do you.” Cas turned to him but Dean’s arm didn’t loosen so Castiel took it as an opportunity to lean into Dean further and rest one of his legs over Dean’s. 

“And you do?” It was an accusation but Cas could understand that.

“I didn’t say that, though it is interesting to see them and learn about their differences. Gabriel wouldn’t just bring them here without a reason, he doesn’t mess with people for the sake of it.”

“But what lesson are we supposed to learn? I don’t like seeing these other, better versions of things - of our lives and I don’t like being reminded of how long it took me to realise how I feel about you. You heard them, if I’d known in purgatory we could have avoided all that crap last year Cas… and I just… I don’t know how to feel about that.” Dean shook his head in frustration and looked away for a moment.

“That doesn’t make it a better universe,” Cas said quietly, only meeting Dean’s eyes briefly. “I don’t think we’re the ones that Gabriel is trying to teach.”

“Go on.” Dean’s voice was quiet but he didn’t sound closed off.

“Think about it Dean, if we were meant to learn something from this then we would be in their world and not here, from what Deanna said it sounds as though Gabriel was scouting for the best and safest universe to hide in - there must have been a reason he didn’t choose theirs but he did bring them here as well.”

“So you think this is all part of some master plan from another version of your brother who can’t just leave things alone.”

“He was Loki and then the Trickster.” Dean just made a noise that meant he still wasn’t entirely convinced.

“He’s going to show up at some point, if only to take them back, though I think it’s more likely he’s here for answers.”

“We don’t have any, not really. The souls aren’t worth the hassle and there was nothing else you - or any of us could have done to stop Raphael.” Dean took Cas’s hand as he spoke. “What you did was still shitty Cas but I meant it when I said you were doing your best. What else could we have done?”

“I don’t know. Even with Gabriel and Kali we couldn’t have taken on Raphael and Crowley.”

“But Gabe could take on Raphael right?”

“Probably, I don’t know how powerful he is in the other universe and whether or not he will want to fight another of his brothers.” Cas seemed to think about it for a moment. “But he might, I don’t know. If that’s true then he should have tried already.”  
“Yeah but they’d need to take down Crowley too.”

“There’s always his bones,” Cas said, as though remembering. “They could find them and torch them, if they haven’t already. We’d need to ask them.”

“Yeah… not yet though.” He let go of Cas’s hand to drag his other leg up and over his then pulled them both further onto the bed until they were resting against the headboard. Cas settled against Dean’s chest and took his hand back into his own. “Sam will come get us if they need us.”

 

***

After the Angels fell.

 

“So, now that you’re human what are you going to do?” He was half pacing across the room before he realised what he was doing and turned back around and stood still facing Cas. He couldn’t seem to keep still though, not this time and not for this conversation.

“What do you mean?” Cas asked him, brows creased in confusion 

“Are you staying with us? Are you going off to follow bees again? B&B idea looking good for you?” He sounded nervous and he hated it. He wished he was at the point where he no longer cared but he had learned over the past year that there wasn’t one. Not for Sam and not for Cas, not now and not ever.

“I was going to stay here, with you. And Sam,” Cas told him, his voice quiet but still managing to fill the room. He was looking up at Dean from where he sat and he almost looked pained.

“For how long?” 

“Dean…”

“No Cas, how long?”

“I don’t understand what you are asking. Do you not want me here? You sound angry and I know I’ve done -”

“It’s not about that Cas, it’s about whether or not you can be bothered to stick around, about whether or not you want to stay with us.” _With me._

“I’ve always wanted to stay Dean, since I left heaven, your safety and Sam’s has always been my concern and this is where I’ve wanted to be.” He looked straight at Dean, the nostalgia of the moment took over and for a few seconds he was at every point in their shared history all at once... but it wasn’t enough.

“Okay, so are you going to do it? Are you going to stay or just leave again for whatever comes along this time?” He didn’t even bother to hide his exasperation and his eyes were hard, but Cas kept eye contact.

“I always want to stay Dean, always but it hasn’t always been possible. I think it might be now.” He looked down at the floor and missed the look of surprise on Dean’s face, on some level he had hoped that he was where Cas had wanted to be but it was an unspoken and largely ignored one. They did not get what they wanted. Not then, not now, not ever. Dean let the silence fall between them until he was sure he was ready to speak.

“Cas…. Maybe you’re right about that… maybe there have been times when it wouldn’t have worked but there have also been times when you would have been safer with us, when things would have been better if you’d just stayed or come to me.” He paused, looking away and taking a deep breath. “And I just… I don’t know if I can do it again man, I need to know you’ll be here - that it’s more than just wanting to stay here. You are family Cas.” 

“Dean…” Cas sighed and looked down at his hands. “After everything, after all of it staying would mean, for me it would…” Dean looked at him.

“What Cas? What would it mean?” There was a lump in his throat and his mouth was suddenly dry. 

“Would you understand if I said I didn’t think I deserved it?” Cas still wasn’t looking at him but his tone was honest and a little lost.

“Go on.” He was closer now.

“Even with what’s happening or especially because of it, staying means something I don’t think I deserve.” Dean was silent as he took in the words and Cas eventually continued his explanation. “Being with you and Sam has always been the place I felt safest and happiest and I don’t think I deserve that. You and Sam, you deserve so much because you have done so much for a world that doesn’t seem to care, whereas I have messed up almost every chance I’ve had.”

It was true and Dean couldn’t deny it, but he wasn’t the only one, both he and Sam had screwed things up multiple times, Cas’ mistakes were on a higher level but really he was no worse than they were. Plus something about what Cas had said stung and it took Dean a moment to understand why.

“And I don’t deserve my best friend is that it?” he asked, angry at the implication.

Cas’s eyes shot back up at that.

“That’s what you’re saying, that because my friend has made some shitty choices and made a few mistakes that I’m not allowed to have him close, that I have to lose him too? Over and over again. All you ever did was try, Cas and don’t pull the ‘don’t deserve it crap’ on me. You saw me in hell, you stood in that barn and told me I deserved to be out. If I’m worthy of a life after that then so are you.”

“It’s not the same,” Cas countered, eyes hard.

“What? Because I’ve never had a god complex? Please Cas, if nothing else, why do you insist on punishing me as well as yourself for your mistakes?” He was raising his voice but he couldn’t help it and he knew he looked furious as well but he didn’t care.

“Because you’re better off without me.” He looked like he honestly believed it.

“I’m not Cas, I’m really not and you have my permission to ask Sam if you don’t believe me.” That stopped Cas from saying whatever it was he had thought to say next because he was silent for a couple of minutes and looked as though he was arguing with himself - deciding whether or not he wanted to reveal something to Dean. It was obvious then that he and Sam had had a talk similar to this one.

“Sam said you’re better with me around.” 

“So you’ve asked him and you still don’t believe me?” Dean sighed, Sammy would have been happy to talk about thoughts and feelings… all the crap Dean was not prepared to start talking about unless he absolutely had to. He wondered what else Sam had spoken to Cas about.

“I didn’t ask, he volunteered the information. I believe it was his attempt to convince me to stay.” He looked uncomfortable, like he wasn’t sure if Dean knowing would cause anger or bring understanding. Dean forced himself not to role his eyes.

“So stay,” He said calmly and evenly, looking at Cas and trying to convey how much he wanted that outcome.

“Dean…”

“I can’t watch you leave again Cas, I can’t do it. Not now with things the way they are and not at any point in the future. Do you really not understand why?” The anger settled back into his voice but it had cracked on the last word.

“I don’t deserve - “ 

“Bullshit Cas, don’t even start with that because it’s not fair and it’s not true. I don’t give a crap about your self pity or any of the other excuses and arguments in your head and if you think that staying around is going to be happily ever after you’ve got another thing coming. Life is messy and hard and painful and we’re hunters so it’s that and a whole lot worse. Having friends and family around make it bearable, makes all the crap worth it and I will not stand here and let you convince yourself that you have to be miserable in order to make amends. You were right about the world not caring, it doesn’t. But I do Cas, I care and I…” He rubbed his hand over his face. “I don’t know what else to say or do to convince you and I don’t know why I’m even bothering, you didn’t believe me in purgatory and after this year I’m not sure why you will now so if you’re going to go, just go.” He turned around but he didn’t hear a chair scrape on the floor or Cas move to stand or leave the room. His blood was pounding in his ears and his throat was burning around the lump that had formed there, but worse he could feel his heart start to break again - always again - only this time he was honest enough with himself to know why.

 But he couldn’t say it, what was the point? Cas had proven time and time again that his way of showing you how much he cared was to rebel for you then run off at every available opportunity in the guise of ‘looking after you’ and Dean was sick of it. It hurt and it was exhausting and really he was tired enough without dealing with a best friend who, it seemed, was happy to die for him but not live with him… he had heard a saying like that before but he couldn’t remember where from, all he knew was it was fitting.

“And if I stay?” Cas said at last, his voice breaking through the silence now ringing in Dean’s ears and the thoughts in his head. 

“Then you stay for good, for as long as you want to.” Dean forced the words out, all of them, not sure what he would hear in reply.

“I’m always going to want to stay Dean.” He sounded so sad and Dean’s heart didn’t seem to know what to do.

Finally the sound of the chair being lightly scraped across the floor reached Dean’s ears as Cas stood. He heard him make the two steps towards where he was and Castiel seemed to stand there for a moment, once again arguing with himself over what to do. His hands kept half moving towards Dean then away again until he finally made up his mind and reached a hand out to cover Dean’s.

Dean didn’t stop him but couldn’t relax his fist so Cas was forced to place both his hands around it to hold on. Cas clearly understood that if his hands hadn’t been shaken off then it was welcome gesture.

“I’ll stay.” Dean only nodded and didn’t move and neither did Cas. 

They stood like that for a few minutes, Dean trying to calm down and steady his breathing and Cas apparently deciding to say something else.

“You should know then that I intend to stay, I will stay, no buts and no conditions - not from me.” He looked up and saw a small movement from Dean that looked almost like a nod of his head. “You do understand why though? Why I always did what I did?”  
“Yeah Cas, I get it, trying to do what was best, trying to protect us, trying to spare me trouble after everything with Sam and the cage.” His voice was hoarse and bitter towards the end and he turned slightly but never shook Cas away, just moved so he could see him. It was the mistake that had started the divide between them and Cas sighed, wanting to explain again while Dean seemed to be giving him the chance.

“I didn’t want to ruin your happiness, I wanted you to have a life with them for as long as you could.”

“It was always going to end at some point Cas, if not you coming back then something, always something or someone.”

“I… I wanted you to be happy for as long as you could, wasn’t that better? You’d just lost Sam, I didn’t want you to have to loose Lisa too,” Cas told him.

“And you Cas?”

He just looked at Dean confused.

“I lost you too, for the third - maybe forth time. My brother and my best friend all in one day. If I hadn’t had Lisa what do you think would have happened to me?”

“Dean…” He didn’t know what else to say. “I couldn’t ruin what happiness you had found there, you had lost too much.”

“And I lost it anyway and then you…. Cas, I don’t want to argue about this, I really don’t. You’re staying and that’s good, great even but please don’t presume what will and won’t make me happy because on almost every occasion you have been dead wrong.”

Cas swallowed and looked to the side, he dropped his hands from Dean’s but didn’t move away. It was uncomfortable but he knew he couldn’t run from this.

“You have never lost me, but I have lost you over and over again. When I lost Sam - both times I lost Sam it was like my world was over, even if everyone else's was still standing, when I lost Lisa and Ben at least I knew they were safer without me…. And everyone else we’ve lost Cas, it hurt every time.” Dean sighed and Cas didn’t understand why he was still talking or what he was trying to say. “But I… I have lost you over and over again and every time it hurt worse than the last until finally you were already gone even when you were sitting at the bar next to me and I ran out of pain, finally just reached the limit where if I…. Nothing was going to make you stay and I couldn’t do it to myself, not again, not after it hadn’t worked the last time.” Dean was facing him now, head staring at the floor but Cas could see his eyes even if they weren’t looking at him.

“The last time?” Because there were several possible last times he could have been referring to.

“Cas, honestly, do you not know what broke Naomi’s hold on you? It wasn’t the damn tablet.” His voice cracked on the words.

“Dean.”

“Because I know, I knew and I was sure you did too but you just…. If that wasn’t going to...if I wasn’t enough then what else could I possibly offer you to make you stay? Because my heart wasn’t good enough.”

They were silent for what felt like a long time, but Cas didn’t move away, he seemed to want to step closer and take Dean’s hand but his arms froze every time they made a move.

“This is not easy,” Cas said at last.

“No, it really isn’t.” And part of him was steadily refusing to acknowledge what he was saying, what they were now talking about. 

“I didn’t understand at first Dean, I didn’t think… didn’t believe that my feelings in that regard would ever be returned and with everything else I… I.” He met Dean’s eyes then. “By the time I realised it felt like it was too late to do anything about it and then with -”

“I know Cas, I do, you don’t have to explain it again.” Dean’s hand reached for Cas’s and he brushed their fingers together for just a moment.

“Dean.” Cas was serious now, eyes meeting his and he knew there were questions there, some he could see and others he could guess at. “Are you sure?” 

“Cas…” But he shook his head.

“I wont hide from it Dean, if we do this, if we go down this road then I won’t pretend it’s something else to make you feel more comfortable. I’ll stay either way, I will, I promise but if you want this, if you still want me, I don’t want it to be in secret. I’ve already made so many mistakes that I can’t let this thing between us become another one and it will if I have to hide it.”

Dean was still reeling from where this conversation had brought them, but then, with them, for most of the time since purgatory this had been just below the surface, always a step away from being said or a moment away from being acknowledged. And what Cas was asking for wasn’t that much, not really. But at the same time it was leaving himself wide open again, not just to Cas but to the rest of their friends and anyone they met. Sam already knew, his constant attempts to talk to Dean about it had been embarrassing before he stopped when he saw how badly Dean had been affected when Cas left with the tablet. He doubted anyone else they knew would care one way or another but now anything that came after them would know he had two weakness instead of one…. Although, that, he realised was old news.

“It’s not going to be easy, I meant it when I said that you staying doesn’t mean a happily ever after, but I won’t hide you Cas, I won’t keep hiding what you mean to me because everyone else I care about already knows and if things change between us and I think, I want them to, then all it really means is I have to acknowledge it and I have to stop hiding and I can do that. If you are going to stay then I can and I will do that.”

Cas was looking at him with a small smile on his face, the one that Dean was used to seeing now, although he had missed it recently. He didn’t know what to say or what he should do and Cas seemed to share the feeling.

“Come here,” he said at last and opened his arms, Cas took the final step towards him and rested his head awkwardly on Dean’s shoulder as he put his own arms around Dean in turn. It was awkward for a few moments until Dean chuckled and held on tighter, closing his eyes to the warmth of Castiel pressed close to him and the now firm grip on his back settling into him and relaxing his tense shoulders. Cas didn’t show much sign of letting him go anytime soon, his face was now tucked against Dean’s neck and his warm breathing tinging the skin there but that was fine, that was more than fine.

For the first time in a very long time Dean felt okay.

 

***

Present 

 

“It was strange waking up with the other you this morning.”

“Yeah.” Dean let out a small laugh at the memory. “She thought we were roleplaying. Apparently they do that a lot.” Cas smiled and shook his head slightly.

“He said I wasn’t how he usually pictured me but then he shrugged and said I was still Cas so he’d take me regardless. You heard what happened next.”

Dean chuckled. “Yeah, I’m surprised the door is still standing with the sound he made when he hit it.” They were quiet for a moment before Cas looked up at him and spoke.

“You weren’t tempted?”

“By what?” Dean stroked his thumb across Castiel’s knuckles.

“Girl Cas,” he said it to imitate what Dean had been calling her but even with his lighter tone Dean stared a little harder at him before seeming to understand.

“No, when I thought it was a dream sure - why not? I mean it’s clear other me had the same idea… but she’s not you.”

Cas leaned in and kissed him, softly with just a slight tilt of his head. When he moved back again Dean followed and pressed their mouths together, Castiel’s hand reached up and threaded in Dean’s hair and he sighed when they parted for the second time.

“You didn’t think I would want girl you did you? It’s not even a question Cas, I wouldn’t trade you for some other Castiel with breasts and long hair.”

“I…” Cas’s eyes were darting between Dean and the floor so Dean reached out and held on to Cas’s arm.

“Hey, Cas.” Their eyes met and this time Castiel didn’t break away. “She is not you, not my you anyway. They haven’t been through the same things - not in the same way. And I know what you’re thinking, that if Jimmy had been Jane instead then things might have been different between us and apparently you were right. But he slept with her for two - maybe three years without realising he was in love with her. It may have taken me longer to get there but Cas, I couldn’t sleep with you and not have it mean something, or worse, lie about it to you and to myself.”

“She would have lied too,” Cas told him, rubbing the back of Dean’s neck. “If she realised when I did it’s likely things would have been worse for her, much worse.” Cas knew he was opening himself up to admit something he’d so far not had to talk about.

“When Cas? How long.” Dean’s grip on him was firm and his fingers were pressing in to his hip.

Cas smiled at him sadly before explaining. “When I stood in the garden at Lisa’s house watching you rake the lawn, mow the grass and sit up all night with a drink in your hand you barely touched.” He couldn’t decide whether or not Dean looked angry or just disbelieving. “I had loved you and Sam for a long time already but I realised I was in love with you when I watched you living your life there, that’s why I couldn’t take it from you.”

“Cas.” Dean looked surprised but nodded in acceptance before saying something else in reply, something he had wanted to tell him for a long time but hadn’t ever felt like he could. But if Cas could admit to watching him and being unable to take him away from whatever happiness he had found there because he loved him then Dean could share a secret of his own. No matter how embarrassing it was.

“You know, I carried your coat with me the entire time you were gone. I couldn’t leave it behind and I didn’t want to lock it in the impala. But I didn’t realise why until I got back from purgatory. I missed you more than Lisa, more than anyone else besides Sam and I kept thinking that if I’d just told you, if I’d realised sooner then maybe it would have given you more reason to come back.” 

“Dean.” Cas looked so serious and so focused on Dean that he almost faltered, but there were moments to be silent and moments when things needed to be said.

“Would it have been enough?” he choked out and only Cas’s gaze fixed on him kept him from looking away.

“I don’t know,” Cas told him honestly. “But we can’t compare ourselves with them Dean, we are who we are and we made our own choices.” He kissed Dean again, deeper this time and let himself be pulled onto Dean’s lap and held close.

Dean’s hands slid further down and pulled Cas flush against him. “I don’t think we have enough time for what you have in mind,” Cas told him in between long kisses, Dean’s hands had moved and gotten underneath his shirt making it harder for Cas to resist returning the favour.

“Oh yes we do, our morning has been interrupted enough and I at least want time for a shower,” Dean told him, pressing his mouth to Castiel’s neck and sucking just below his ear. Cas shuddered and moaned softly against him.

“Dean.” So Dean did it again, feeling Cas tighten the hand in his hair, not pushing him closer but letting Dean know that it was good - that he wanted it. “I find sex in the shower awkward and uncomfortable.” 

Dean laughed and the vibrations so close to Cas’s skin made him shiver. “Bed first, shower afterwards?” He suggested, wondering how it was possible to be so amused and aroused at the same time.

“Okay.” Then Cas was pulling at his hair, lifting Dean’s head up so that he could kiss him again, sliding their mouths together and pressed deeper, closer in just the way Dean needed it.

***

“So,” Sam started, sitting up straighter in his chair and looking at the girl versions of his brother and Castiel in front of him. He didn’t want to sit on the bed they were now sat on. He had heard the two of them the night before and hadn’t envied Deanna and girl Cas when they had straightened up the sheets.

“Seriously Sam, they cleaned up after themselves. There’s nothing here to freak out about.” Deanna told him chucking as she sat on the clean and unused comforter, Castiel sat at her side, her coat off and thrown over a chair and her hair tied back. She looked so much more human than either of the other two and it made sense, she had spent the past five years or so as a human after all.

“So Gabriel just went on a tour of the worlds to find the safest one?”

“Yes. Things were getting pretty bad. Raphael had attacked us outright on more than one occasion and Gabe barely managed to stop him the last time. It was shortly afterwards that we found out he was working with Crowley to get enough power to overthrow those who support Gabe’s way of doing things.”

“Have the alpha’s started going missing?”

Castiel looked at him. “No, not yet. Why?”

“If he’s trying to open purgatory then that’s exactly what he’ll start doing.”

“Why would he open purgatory?” Castiel asked. “Your Dean mentioned that before.”

“Ah, things got bad here and in the other world and Cas made some really bad choices - always for the right reasons - but he helped Crowley open purgatory in order to gain enough power to destroy Raphael.”

“I take it it did not go well.” Castiel did not look impressed. 

“No. Things… things got very bad for a while. Cas did defeat Raphael but he also destroyed most of heaven and he let the leviathan out. We thought he was dead for a few months afterwards and when he did return it…” Both Deanna and Castiel looked pained by the knowledge, Sam shook his head. “There is no Gabriel here and nothing else he could do and it sucked - it really, really sucked but I don’t know if there would have been another way. You guys are lucky, you won’t have to do that.”

Castiel just looked at him with disgust and horror on her face and Deanna placed a hand firmly on her leg.

“I wouldn’t do that.”

“No.” Sam shook his head. “Your world is too different, the two of you communicate too well for it to every have been a possibility and given Cas never regained her grace or left you after the cage was closed, it seems as though you’ve avoided it all together.” Sam looked at them both. “Dean won’t say it, he would never betray our dad’s memory that way but it’s because mom survived the fire and not dad that your world is so different.” 

“What happened in this world?” Deanna asked.

“Mom died and dad couldn’t live without her, he took us all over the country on his hunt for her killer. Dean raised me on his own pretty much and although I went to Stanford it’s because I ran away rather than because my dad supported my actions.” 

“Mom always said that all she wanted for us was as normal a life as possible, that she never wanted us to be hunters. I wanted to help and made her train me but even then we never went far from home.” She sighed and it was her turn to look sad. “I always wanted to know what it would have been like to know my dad growing up, but now? I’m not so sure.” 

Castiel spoke for the first time since the change in conversation. “There must be one world out there where they are both alive.”

Sam laughed sadly. 

“What is it?” Deanna asked him.

“Did you ever get taken on the tour through heaven?” Sam asked, remembering what he had found out about his parents marriage when he was there. Deanna looked so much like his brother for a moment he wished he had held his tongue. He had thought that perhaps she was different enough to be more rational about it but it became clear he might have been wrong.

“Nothing is ever perfect Sam.” Deanna’s tone was a warning.

“I know. I do, I really do. It’s just I can’t help envying your world.” He looked away from them and raked his hands through his hair. No one spoke for a while but he could see Deanna and Castiel have a silent conversation across from him. In some ways it was like watching his Dean and Cas but although their relationship didn’t appear to be sexual they were far more relaxed and comfortable with each other. He wondered if it was a sign of things to come. He also couldn’t help but wonder about the nature of their relationship but he knew it wasn’t his place to ask. This Castiel appeared a little more timid that the others and he knew that somewhere along the line something had happened to her that both of the others had avoided.

“Do I have the Impala here?” Deanna asked and Sam blinked at her in surprise. “I don’t want to start an argument,” She told him by way of explanation.

“Yeah, Dad left it to you.”

She smiled. “In our world I trained as a mechanic after high school and worked at the same garage in town that my dad used to before all of this started.” She gestured around her and Sam knew exactly what she meant.

“Dean has never officially trained but he’s a natural when he comes to cars, he’s rebuilt the Impala more times than I can count and worked on most of the serviceable cars at Bobby’s for extra money now and again as well,” Sam told her, wanting so at least share some of the nicer and more normal moments in their lives. Although, he remembered the time Dean rebuilt the impala after Castiel turned power mad and decided that was the exception rather than the rule.

Deanna smiled sadly. “So some things are the same?”

“Yeah.”

“Does make me wonder though, the only Dean and Cas missing from the set is another Deanna and a guy Cas. They must be out there somewhere.”

“Oh they are, but they’re really not that much fun.” Gabriel appeared in a flutter of wings beside Sam and winked at him when he stared in shock. “Seriously, their lives are boring. Far too normal to hide in their world and no point bringing them here.”

Whilst Sam opened his mouth in shock trying to think of something to say, Deanna looked at Gabriel in a way that showed how unimpressed she was with a barely repressed eye roll.

“Where have you been?”

Gabriel smirked. “Keeping an eye on things.” Cas rolled her eyes and Deanna chuckled. “Oh come on Castiel, it’s the big social experiment, we find out what we need to do to defeat Raphael and Crowley, this Sam, Dean and Cas get worked up and freaked out and our extra special guests learn a valuable life lesson. Everybody wins!” 

“Everybody?” Sam asked, not at all convinced. His brother and Cas where holed up in one room with the others in another and neither of them had come out on their own.

“It may not seem like it now but yes. I didn’t just storm in and wreck the place Sam.”

“You switched my brother and the other Dean,” Sam countered.

“Actually I had them switch Castiel’s. Your brother passed with flying colours so don’t you worry.” He winked along with the smirk and Sam found himself resisting punching him in irritation. He had started to warm to the idea of a Gabriel who looked after his family and was on their side…. However he’d managed to ruin that   in the minute he had been in the room. “Oh come on Sam, don’t be like that. I promise we mean you no harm, just need some answers and we’ll be on our way, once I knock some sense into the others too.”

“Why are they even here?” Sam asked. “And why isn’t their Sam with them?”

“Not possible, Sammy was unavailable. Besides it’s them who need to learn the lesson.” He clapped his hands together and a new chair appeared behind him, wing back and comfortable. “So, how’s everything so far?”

***

 


	5. Chapter 5 (Gabriel/Kali)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This time Sam gets to ask Gabriel a few questions about his world and we get to see what exactly made Gabriel change his mind in the universe he belongs to.  
> Lots of Gabriel/Kali in this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by the forever lovely and wonderful 4theloveoftea.
> 
> Thank you to all those who have left Kudos and reviews!

**Chapter 5**

 

_Present_

 

“Seriously? You’ve been watching us on CCTV and you ask me how it’s going?” Sam asked, annoyed and getting more and more frustrated by the second.

“OOOkay.” Gabriel pushed himself back in the chair until the front feet left the ground and Sam suppressed the urge to knock it over. It wouldn’t do any good but it would have been satisfying all the same. “I was just trying to make small talk.”

Deanna scowled. “Cut the crap Gabe.” 

Gabriel huffed but let his chair rest on four legs again. “Alright, alright my sister-in-law has spoken.” Sam blinked in surprise and looked to Deanna and Castiel who just shrugged - it must have just been a nickname. “What do you want to know?”

“Why this world? I mean I know why you were looking for somewhere to hide but there must be others that are better and have had more success than us. Me, Dean and Cas haven’t exactly been able to keep each other alive at times and although we’re all okay at the moment it was a pretty close call.”

“Well at least you guys did it the right way.”

“What?” The look on Sam’s face meant he clearly hadn’t been in on the whole save-Sam-from-certain-death plan that Dean had come up with. Gabriel just shrugged, he saw no point in enlightening him - it was none of his business.

“Healing you. Look it doesn’t matter because it didn’t happen here but trust me on this one, you guys made the right decisions, not that the others were wrong per say…. I just prefer this world.” Gabriel looked genuine when he spoke. 

“Why? Why this one?”

“Because this is a pretty sad universe and it’s really similar to a lot of the others. There are so many out there it would be easy to get lost. But despite the sadness and everything that has happened you have turned a corner over the past few months, this universe and a couple of others. That’s why I hid us here. Raphael will look at either end of the scale, they won’t come here.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, wouldn’t be here if there was even a chance of it.” Sam accepted Gabriel’s reassurances and Deanna and Castiel looked happy enough about it all. “Look Sam, not all universes are like yours. Some are much worse, some ended bloody years ago and in others you three have torn yourselves and each other apart…. But then there are worlds where none of this even happened, or happened differently, though they are few and far between.” 

Sam was quiet then, he hadn’t heard Gabriel ever be so sincere before and although he knew he would probably say something to ruin in within the next five minutes it was nice - for just a moment - to glimpse the ally that Sam in another universe had.

“What about other Dean and Castiel?” he asked.

“Their world is worse but it is through no choice of their own, I told you, they’re here to learn a lesson then they can say their goodbyes and go home.” Gabriel pushed back in his chair again. “That about answer your questions?”

“Some of them yeah, I mean this is a lot less weird than how it happened here.”

“Yeah, a TV show? And a universe without magic I’m guessing?” Sam nodded. “Yeah. Balthazar wouldn’t have had enough power to do what I’ve been doing. He wasn’t even a Seraph.”

“He’s dead in your world too then?” Sam asked and Castiel answered.

“He died in battle during the fighting in Heaven for the apocalypse along with others in my Garrison,” she told him, taking Deanna’s offered hand and resting against her.

“I don’t want to give you false hope but I don’t think he is,” Sam said, remembering how and when they had found him.

“What do you mean?” she asked, leaning forwards towards Sam.

“Well Cas thought he was dead too, but apparently he skipped out on everyone and faked his death. We found him in some mansion hiding out with most of the weapons from Heaven’s armoury.” Everyone sat in silence for a while whilst they took the information in.

“Gabriel?” Castiel turned her attention to her brother. “Is it possible?”

He shrugged. “I really don’t know, he could be - I haven’t exactly been able to get near the armoury since this all started but it would explain why Raphael hasn’t used anything from there against us.” He looked back to Sam. “Where was he?”

“Ah, I don’t remember but Cas will, if Dean will let you anywhere near their room. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s already warded it against you.” Sam felt a little sorry about that (but only a little).

“I think I’ll avoid him for now, I’ll just ask the others, their world is almost identical anyway. Girl Sam not withstanding.” Gabriel turned his attention to Deanna and Castiel. “You guys mind leaving us to talk? I can send you up to my room - anything you want from the mini bar is on me and the TV’s are all off so you won’t have to watch the melodrama down here.”

“Just don’t antagonise anyone else okay?” Deanna warned him, before Gabriel winked at her and clicked his fingers so that he and Sam were on their own.

“Now, what else do you want to know.” He rubbed his hands together. “Come on Sam, i can tell you’re curious and although Deanna and Castiel will have told you what they can it looks like you have other questions you are too polite to ask.”

Sam sighed. “A few yeah.”

“Well go on then Sam.” Gabriel leaned forwards expectantly and Sam sighed, Gabriel actually looked excited - like he had been waiting for this part. 

“Dean cannot know I asked about this.”

Gabriel faked a scandalised gasp and threw his hand to his chest. “You guys have got to stop with all the secrets, Seriously it’s one step forwards and two steps back with you guys.”

Sam just glared at him. “How does Kali put up with you?”

“Hm, not what I thought you’d ask first but if you’re sure you want to know -”

Sam shook his head, standing quickly and walking towards the window before turning back to stare at Gabriel. “Oh come on, you can’t ask something like that and not expect me to respond!”

“Okay, okay yeah. I forgot who I was dealing with for a moment.” Sam shook his head. ‘I don’t even know why I’m doing this… I mean when we went into that other world we pretty much pretended it never happened and now… don’t get me wrong this is better but it’s….”  
“A totally unexpected place to hide.” Gabriel finished for him with a smile. “Clever huh?”

“Are you ever not annoying?” Sam said, exasperated.

Gabriel smirked. “You said you didn’t want to hear about what me and Kali get up to.” Sam glared.

“Because I don’t. I mean I’m glad in a weird way that she and you are whatever it is you are and that you’re happy but I don’t need details.” Gabriel grumbled and pouted for a moment before apparently deciding to answer him.

“So, what do you want to know?” Gabriel was more serious now, no joking in his tone or expression at all.

“Deanna and Castiel, they’re close but they’re not….” He tipped his head up to one side quickly and Gabriel’s eyes widened.

“No. I mean don’t get me wrong they have the whole Profound Bond going for them, but they’re not sexually intimate if that’s what you’re asking.” Sam scrunched up his nose at the ‘sexually’ part of the sentence and Gabriel chuckled. “You wanted to know.”

“I know. It’s just a bit strange.”

“How do you mean?”

“Well as long as they’ve known each other Dean and Cas have been pretty intense in one way or another, friendship, staring, loyalty, arguing and it just grew into what it is now. It was far from plane sailing and I realised what was going on about a year before Dean did but.” He sighed. “I think I’ve lost where I’m going with this.” Gabriel stayed silent though and waited for him to finish. “It’s like it’s taken all this time for them to be comfortable with each other - for them to be open with how they feel and what they want because they were afraid the other person would reject them. Deanna and Castiel seem to have that without all the unnecessary angst.”

Gabriel nodded. “From what I’ve seen you’re right. Look, Sam, things are really different where we’re from and you know already it’s because your dad died in that fire and not your mom.”

“Yeah… I… Yeah.” He looked away, reminded again of the look on Dean’s face when he had found out.

“Things have been easier for them but they’ve still been through a lot. Deanna is a lot more trusting and Castiel doesn’t hesitate because of it.” Gabriel looked at Sam seriously before continuing. “They probably haven’t told you all of it but I think the reason they’re not wrapping Cas’s cute little neck scarf around the door handle all the time is because of what they’ve been through. Cas especially.”

“What happened?” Sam asked quietly.

“How much did they tell you?”

“That Castiel fell and became human a few weeks before their Sam jumped into the cage and that she’s stayed that way ever since.” Sam wasn’t an idiot - he had known at the time that there was more to it than that but he hadn’t wanted to pry.

“She had her grace ripped from her bit by bit, she let her vessel’s soul pass over to spare her but what they did to her as punishment…. No one, Angel or not should go through that. Then they tortured what was left of her and threw her out, human, to die and suffer with the pain of her memories. They couldn’t send her to hell so they did the next best thing.” Sam was silent. “When I found her at that hospital I wanted to kill every last one of them but I wasn’t strong enough. I was already on your-their side, already wanted to help but that… seeing her like that I knew what I had to do. I healed her the best I could and took her to Deanna and Sam.”

“That’s why she said she was at the safe house with Kali, not with Deanna and Bobby.”

“Yeah. She was a mess, Deanna too and I couldn’t ignore it. Not when I finally had relatives I could care about as well as love, so I did what I had to do to protect my family.” Gabriel’s sincerity and determination was clear and Sam realised he regretted his death and had long ago forgiven him for what he had done to Dean.

“I kinda wish we’d found a way to save you,” Sam told him but Gabriel didn’t respond to it, probably because it didn’t change anything. Gabriel probably knew they hadn’t given him a second thought since he’d died, that he’d just been another name on the list of ally’s they’d lost. Sam didn’t know which was sadder - that they regretted his death or that no one (besides Kali) mourned his passing.

“They’re as close as your Dean and Castiel but just in a different way, doesn’t mean they’re not together.” Gabriel told him, staying on the subject of his sister and Deanna.

“Yeah. Makes sense.” Because it did.

“So… given that we’re not sharing the details of this conversation does this mean you’ll tell me how your Dean and Castiel finally got it on?” Gabriel looked entirely too happy to be asking but it was also clearly a way to change the tone of the conversation.

“Besides all the arguing and intense staring?” Sam asked.

“Hm, they do do that a lot don’t they, the others do it too. I thought for a while they might have a telepathic thing going on but they just stare.” Gabriel looked baffled and amused all at the same time. 

“Yeah… get’s awkward fast for anyone else in the room. But it was pretty much arguing, staring and then screaming at each other. Then they finally started talking properly followed by several nights of very loud and not very subtle sex.” He sat back down. “Cas bought me earplugs and translated a book for me to  apologise.” He laughed at the memory. “Apparently he wasn’t aware they’d been quite so disruptive.” Gabriel chuckled. “Dean seems happier but he gets a bit funny about it, I think he thinks I’m freaked out by it - because it’s him and Cas and not Dean and some random girl while I wait in the car outside -”

“That’s happened?” Gabriel interrupted, looking somewhere between shocked and impressed.

“Oh yeah, more than once. The twins were the worst though.” Sam shuddered at the memory.

Gabriel was laughing so hard he looked like he was in danger of his chair falling over. “Dean Winchester: classy guy.”

“You don’t know the half of it.” Sam chuckled. “Cas bought him pie, beer and porn to apologise the first time they got into their first couple related argument.”

“Seriously?”

Sam nodded, still laughing. “Busty Asian Beauties. Dean didn’t know what to do so he just shut up and drank his beer.”

“Damn.”

Sam nodded. “Yeah, that’s a word for it.”

***

_Deanna, Castiel and Sam universe_

 

_Elysian Hotel_

 

“Hold on, hold on just a second,” Deanna called out, stopping Gabriel in his tracks.

“What?”

“You’re going to go in there and play some trick on her aren’t you? Try and get our blood back?” Sam was looking between the two of them as they stared it out. There was none of the underlying care and concern there was between his sister and Castiel, instead Deanna looked like she wanted to kill him where he stood.

“Well I was going to ask her to stop first, use some of the old ‘black magic’ charm on her.” He winked but Deanna sighed.

“Seriously Gabriel?”

“What? Why not?” He held his arms out in a wide shrug. “Nothing else to loose.”

Sam, realising the conversation wasn’t going to get anywhere chose that moment to speak. “I think what Deanna means is that if you’ve got nothing to loose, just be honest with her.” But Gabriel only stood there in silence.

“Seriously Gabriel, just man up and tell her how you feel, who you are and what you want. All this secrecy and running around, all these plans… they just, they don’t work.” Deanna told him, her voice sad and rough like she was either forcing the words out or fighting back tears.

“Okay… what’s got you all so worked up?” Gabriel asked, eyes wide and clearly confused.

“I just…” She turned around for a moment and took a deep breath. “I just don’t think we can stand to loose any more ally’s in this fight and like it or not you’re currently the only angel we have on our side that isn’t MIA.”

“Excuse me? Where’s your peppy little cheerleader in the trench coat?” he asked.

Sam took one look at his sister and knew she didn’t know how to answer without starting a shouting match and although he was tempted to let her, Sam knew there were better ways to sort this out.

“Missing, We were trying to break out our half brother Simon from the green room but it all went wrong, Cas got distracted before she could activate the banishing sigil and that’s the last time we saw her.”

Gabriel didn’t ask for more details, but he did look at Deanna for another long moment.

“You know we can’t win here right? You know that as powerful as Kali and the rest of them are that there is no getting out of this alive if they summon Lucifer?”

“Yes. But I don’t see how lying to Kali is going to help you,” she told him and he sighed, because she was right - even if he didn’t want her to be.

“Fine, fine. I’ll try it your way.” He shook his head, he didn’t know why he was listening to them and he sounded as defeated as he was starting to feel. “Just get those people out and hopefully we’ll meet you at the car.” 

***

_This is not a good idea, this is not a good idea._ Gabriel shook himself out of it, it seemed that after everything he had done he was still wary (afraid) of confronting Kali. Or, more precisely, confronting his feelings for her. Sure they’d had fun - a lot of fun on and off for a few hundred years - but he wasn’t an idiot, he had known early on that she was the closest he was ever getting to ‘the one’. She was danger and fire and hadn’t ever let him get away with anything. He had been, and still was in love with her and that was why he’d left. Gabriel knew she loved him too, or at least she had…. He couldn’t be sure how she felt now, but it had felt too dangerous to let her that close. He’d started to drop his guard when he shouldn’t and Kali was on the verge of learning what exactly he was. So he left before he could see her reaction to his secret, couldn’t stand the thought of what she would think… that he had betrayed her by never revealing who he really was.

Now though things were different. If it could save her then maybe it was worth it. He stood outside of her door, feeling ridiculous and human all at the same time and finished his preparations, He just hoped it would be enough.

One flutter of wings later and he was stood a few feet behind her as she undressed in the mirror.

“Hello Kali.” She turned towards him, having seen what he was holding in his hands.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, keeping her eyes on him, her heels clicked on the hard floor as she walked over to him.

“I came to talk to you, properly talk to you. Here.” He held out the rose and the vial of his blood in her direction. “These are for you.”

Kali glared at him, close enough now to touch him but clearly looking for signs that this was all a trap. He didn’t blame her.

“It’s not a trap, it’s my blood.” But Kali still didn’t take it from him and he did his best to keep his eyes on her face. This was not the time to be distracted, no matter how beautiful he found her and her current lack of shirt.

“Yes, but why?”

“Peace offering?” He tried to smile but faltered when she narrowed her eyes and he shook his head, throwing the rose on the nearby table and reaching for her hand. He expected her to lash out at him, but instead she let him hold her fingers loosely in his hand. “Just let me explain why I’m here before any of this goes any further, please Kali it’s important.”

She looked like she wanted say something, but she just nodded and let him lead her to the small sofa in her suite.

“I would feel better if you took this.” He held out the vial again but she shook her head.

“I don’t want to bind you, I asked you here to help us, not to trick you so that I could control you.” 

Gabriel nodded but looked to her dressing table underneath the mirror and at the two vials of blood that rested there.

“Look, I had this whole plan, come in here and be my usual charming self, try and convince you to leave with me and the Winchesters before this all ends bloody…” He was almost shaking with nerves and Kali must have known it, her fingers never tightened in his though, just stayed there as she waited for him to continue.

“But.”

He met her eyes for a moment and gave her a sad smile. “But the two knuckleheads you have in the next room convinced me not to, said I should just tell you the truth then convince you to get out of here.”

Kali nodded. “Go on.”

He squeezed her hand tighter and slid along the couch to be sat closer to her. The vial of blood sat in his lap so that she could take it at any point, which she might, given what he was about to tell her.

“I can’t let you do this Kali, I really can’t. If you summon Lucifer here he will kill you all and I don’t care about the others - I really don’t - but I do care about you. You don’t know them like I do.”

“And why is that?” she asked and Gabriel looked at her, she seemed as though she was waiting for confirmation of something she already knew and he closed his eyes. She had looked angry but he also saw hurt there and he felt his heart sink.

“Because I’m one of them.” He opened his eyes again and she was glaring now, barely suppressed rage in her eyes and the tight lines of her face but she didn’t say anything. “My name is Gabriel and I’m an archangel. I skipped out of heaven and put myself under witness protection when it was clear no one up there gave a damn about anyone or anything but themselves and their daddy issues.” Kali kept staring at him but she didn’t speak and Gabriel tried to communicate with her how sorry he was. All it did was leave him feeling bare and vulnerable and open. She could strike now, take the vial and leave him here. Trap him and bind him to her bidding...  he wondered if it would be better, easier than the path he was on now.

“In all this time I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so honest or sincere,” she told him softly, now looking at him with sadness in her eyes. “What did you think I would do to you Gabriel?”

He wanted to say leave me because it was what he had feared and why he had left first, but there were other things she could have done and all of them would have felt like a betrayal because he had never seen this ending well.

“Kill me?” he suggested, only half joking. 

“And would that achieve anything?” Her voice was soft but he could tell without looking that she wanted to know.

“No. Lucifer can’t be killed in the same way the rest of us can. I mean theoretically an Angel blade, holy fire, all of those things are possible but it never works out like that. He has a name and a reputation for a reason. He is no Hades and he doesn’t go down easily.”

Kali nodded, face drawn in concentration. “But you want to sacrifice two humans to become vessels to fight it out on earth because it is written?” She was digging her nails into his hand, not enough to draw blood but certainly enough to hurt. “You think that has to happen?” She huffed out a breath. “The arrogance of your kind.” Kali snarled and this time she did draw blood but Gabriel didn’t try to move away.

“I might be changing my mind about that.” He had started the moment Deanna stopped him, the moment he realised what Raphael and his followers were currently doing to his sister.

“Change it faster or I take your blood and then your sword and we do this my way.” He believed her.

Gabriel let his head drop and brought his free hand to his face. 

“This isn’t… Kali I’m here to help not fight.”

“Then let me in on whatever else you’re planning and if you say one word about letting this happen the way it’s supposed to I’ll-”

“Okay. Okay.” He lifted his hand in surrender. “I want us all to get out of here now, as many as possible before someone summons Lucifer. You, me, Deanna and Sam need to hide and quick then we work on plan B.”

“Plan B?” She didn’t sound convinced, but then neither was Gabriel really.

“You spend enough time around humans and you learn a few things. There is another way to stop my brother, but it won’t be easy.”

Kali gave him a sad smile. “Nothing ever is.” and just for a moment this was about something else, something just between them. So he held her gaze and let her look at him, wide open and still terrified. He hoped she understood.

The building shook and Kali’s eyes shot to Gabriel. “Okay, okay, we have to leave now.” She stood and dragged him with her, he had just enough time to grab the vial and shove it deep into his pocket.

“What? Why?” But he could already feel the tainted grace of his fallen brother approach them.

“How is that possible? How does he know where we are?”

“Mercury.” She sighed. “It doesn’t matter, we have to get out of here.” She let go of his hand, grabbed the smaller vials of Deanna and Sam’s blood then came back to Gabriel. He took her hand and snapped his fingers. 

Deanna and Sam were hiding behind the impala, apparently not having been able to get any further away until Gabriel and Kali had gotten out. The other humans were running, screaming for cover. But behind them he could hear other screams, older friends and family fighting a loosing battle against a power they had underestimated and he almost, almost turned to help them.

“They acted without thinking, they were supposed to wait for me,” Kali told him pulling him both back to reality and towards the car, then she reached for his pocket containing the vial. “We leave now or I take what you offered and we leave without the Winchesters.”

Gabriel blinked and looked back to her. Whilst he held her hand in his she was cloaked and Gabriel knew he, Deanna and Sam were protected enough that Lucifer wouldn’t know they were there for the moment. Although they couldn’t hide for long.

Kali looked both scared and furious all at the same time and despite the absurdity of the situation he found himself asking. “Still love me?” Kali flickered into an echo of her true form for just a second and Gabriel smiled. He loved her when she was furious.

Deanna interrupted whatever her reply would have been though. “Seriously? Get in the damn car now!” She flung open her door and Sam slid across the seat, Deanna following. Kali didn’t argue and let Gabriel pull her in next to him. The door closed firmly behind her and then the car was reversing before careering off down the road at full speed.

***

Kali looked in distaste at her surroundings, the place was not the Elysian Fields by any stretch of the imagination. The wallpaper was coming away from the corners and the smell of damp hung in the air despite the fresheners and cheap cleaning products that had been used in the last 24 hours. They were not staying there, not for more than a few hours anyway, but it was the easiest place to rest and far enough away that they would not be followed.

“If you torch it the locals will notice,” Gabriel told her and she scowled, Kali held her arms around her and tried not to step anywhere. Gabriel laughed. “You could always just come sit here.” He patted his lap but she smacked him over the side of the head before putting her arm back around herself again.

“You know,” Deanna started. “You two are made for each other.”

Kali sighed. “If this is a ploy to get your blood back you can have it.” She opened her arms again and Sam took them, clearly not wanting to chance her changing her mind.

“It’s not, but ah thanks,” he told her with a small smile and a shrug before putting them in his jeans pocket.

“Then why are we here?”

“Bathroom break, try and figure out what to do next, then either head back to Bobby’s or another safe house. You don’t need to come with us Princess,” Deanna added at Kali’s quite obvious displeasure.

“Ladies.” Gabriel put his hand on Kali’s arm and sent Deanna the most disapproving stare he could muster. “Come on now, this is serious.”

“But we could go anywhere!” Kali told him.

“Exactly, which is why we’re staying here, laying low.” He squeezed her arm. “Kali please, we’ve been in places worse than this and we’ve certainly done worse in places like this.” He couldn’t help the fond smirk or the way he let himself look at her and for the first time Kali smiled in response - just a little though.

“Ah, guys?” Sam looked distinctly uncomfortable. “I’m glad we all got out of there alive, really I am but we have some planning to do.”

“And an angel to find,” Deanna added looking worried and clearly tired of pretending she wasn’t.

Kali looked to Gabriel for an explanation. “My sister - the one I actually think I’m starting to like has been taken by another Archangel and it doesn’t sound good.”

Kali looked like she wanted to make a sharp retort but she took one look at Deanna then Sam and decided against it. Instead she rolled her eyes.

“This had better be good Gabriel.”

***

They had relocated to a much nicer place, on Kali’s insistence of course, but Gabriel had smiled and payed up. Deanna and Sam were down the hallway but he and Kali were in the honeymoon suite. 

“So, they look for the other Horsemen and we what? Look for your sister and hope the others haven’t killed her?” Kali asked, she had changed into a nightdress that so far Gabriel hadn’t given her the satisfaction of looking at. He didn’t know what was okay and what wasn’t, it had been a long time and all their history seemed to create a distance between them that he didn’t know how to cross. 

“Wait, we?” Because he was sure he hadn’t heard that right.

“Gabriel.” Kali looked sad and exasperated. His name sounded different coming from her, it felt like a name rather than a title, a mission, an inescapable destiny he’d been running from for centuries.

“Kali, you are many things, but this?”

“What else do I have left? Any of my family who trusted me enough to side with me died last night. And now we’re in a barely liveable hotel with two vessels for the destruction of earth and we’re talking for the first time in years without you trying to get me into bed.” She hadn’t moved towards him, just sat herself down on the white sheets with her red nightdress spilling out around her. Like fire he thought.

“I never had to try,” he reminded her and she laughed, a sad, confused sound that felt wrong when he heard it. “Kali, I have no idea what I’m doing at all… we’re off the page and off the map and I don’t even know if our plan will work. We might die trying and I don’t want that for you.” He walked towards the bed and sat down next to her. 

“I knew, you know.” She told him after a moment. “I knew what you were. When you left I looked into a few things, your cover story with the Asgard was brilliant but something didn’t feel quite right. So I did some searching of my own.”

“Kali….” He shook his head and looked a her, wanting to take hold of her, wanting to pull her into his arms and not let go. But he couldn’t, not when there was clearly more she wanted to tell him and not when he didn’t know where he stood with her.

“If you had told me don’t you think it would have been easier?”

“If I had told you I’m pretty sure you’d have either killed or inprisonned me,” Gabriel told her quietly.

“Probably.” She sighed and fell backwards onto the bed. “Why did you come back?” 

“To save you Kali, did you honestly think I would let you die?” That hurt, that she could think he would do that.

“What about the Winchesters?” She rolled onto her side, looking towards him and Gabriel moved up the bed to get a better look at her.  He hated the noise from the too stiff sheets on the bed but now didn’t seem like the best time to do something about it.

“No one upstairs is really going to let them die until this is all over. I came back for you Kali, I couldn’t stand the thought of anything happening to you.” He was just short of raising his voice, Kali didn’t reply straight away though so Gabriel let her take her time, he didn’t have anything else to add.

“Still love me?” she asked quietly and he looked down at her, finally reaching his hand across the bed between them to rest it over hers.

“Of course I do.” Kali started at that, almost jerked away completely and when she looked back at him it was with shock and surprise. Gabriel felt his heart tighten and sink. All this time, all her anger, everything now made sense.

“Oh Kali,” he said quietly, voice on the verge of breaking. He was so sorry, so, so sorry to have left her in a position where she had ever doubted that. Gabriel could tell she wanted to leave and could sense her forcing herself to stay. Because there were times to run from things and there were times to stay and talk it out. Gabriel was not used to the latter and it seemed either Kali was the same or she had never expected this to be an option. “I have never stopped.” He pressed his hand down against hers and they dipped into the mattress, bringing him closer to her.

Kali stared at him as though she really wanted to believe him but past experience told her otherwise. He had no quick fix for this, nothing he could say that would instantly make her feel better. They would need time to fix this and bring them closer again and there wouldn’t be any of that unless they stopped the apocalypse from taking full hold of the world.

“I am a coward,” he told her. “I ran away from home and hid rather than fix my problems and I almost got us both killed today… if I had gone with my original plan Kali, I don’t know….” He lay down on the bed next to her, moved a pillow behind his head to support him and looked at her. He made sure not to move any closer or move his hand though. “It doesn’t matter because I didn’t. The Trickster, Loki - that is easy and fun. But being myself? I’m not sure how to do that anymore. You almost saw everything back then and I -”

“Gabriel.” Kali shook her head. “I know.”

“Then you know how hard this is and that I need to say it.” He gave her a sad smile. “I was terrified Kali, because I needed you to accept me but had no idea what you would do. I lied to you and I’m sorry.” He realised that this was the most vulnerable he had ever felt and wondered how humans did this all the time, well some of then anyway.

“And I forgive you.” Kali was smiling despite the sadness written all over her face and in her eyes. Gabriel only nodded, lying back down and looking at the ceiling. He didn’t have a response to that, but with no need to sleep and no wish to let go of the tentative closeness they had reestablished he didn’t have much choice but to stare up at the uneven ceiling tiles. They still had a long way to go, forgiveness was one thing but fixing their relationship was another.

Kali moved, pushing herself up with her other arm until she was sitting up. Then she moved forwards until she was in his line of sight. “You really want to spend the night like this? On a bed not comfortable enough to rest in when you can make something better?”

“Trying to lay low remember?” he said, mouth curling into a small smile to match her’s. But after a moment he shrugged and suddenly they were in the same room just in a bigger and more comfortable bed, covers over them and plush pillows beneath them. They didn’t move though, not until Kali sank back down and breathed in the scent of fresh cotton and lingering spices. He had a habit of doing that, letting her know he remembered what she liked and weaving them into his illusions. 

She tugged on his hand and Gabriel let her pull him towards then against her, the silk of her night gown smooth and familiar against his skin. Kali buried her head into his shoulder and he did the same to her as he felt arms that he couldn’t see hold onto him with the ones he could. Without saying anything he concentrated and let as much of his wings as he dare manifest, curl around her in turn.

“You’ve done this before.” She whispered against his skin. “When you thought I was too sedate to notice.”

“Once or twice,” he said the words against her neck and enjoyed the shiver that went through her in response.

“I like it.” She told him, relaxing into the feeling as he wound them closer against her.

“Good.” He smiled. “Night Kali.” Because although he didn’t sleep, he did need time to clear his head and this would be close enough to rest to allow him to sort through he thoughts.

“Good night Gabriel.” And although there was a hint of humour in her voice, Kali wasn’t mocking him. She just held him closer and breathed him in, like he did with her for as long as the night allowed them to do so.

***

_Present_

 

“So what now?” Sam asked, figuring there was more to Gabriel being here than just to talk to him, he seemed genuine in his care for Castiel and Deanna as well as the others he had brought along.

“Well, we probably have enough to start on - but I want to talk to your Cas if he can pry Dean from him for half an hour.” Sam made a scoffing noise at that. “But first I think I need to talk to our other girl Castiel - alone, which might prove difficult.” 

Sam nodded. “I can’t imagine her Dean will be too happy about that either, I’m just glad my brother doesn’t know you’re in here with me.”

“He’s too busy to notice at the moment, although he’ll probably want to check in with you soon.”

Sam just shook his head, but then he thought of something. “You know, if you want to speak to the other Castiel alone you could just send her Dean to talk to mine. Then Cas will probably come to hide in here and we can go through whatever else you need.”

Gabriel smiled. “That’s why you’re the brains of the family.”

“Not now Cas is around,” Sam told him, but he said it as a good thing. Having Cas living with them (and Kevin) had made it feel more normal to read through as much of their library as possible and get excited about the things they found.

“Cas is a soldier and a bookworm, you’re the real thinker.” Gabriel stood. “And then you have Dean… someone has to be the pretty one, though you’ve got better hair.” Then with a wink and a click of his fingers he was gone leaving Sam confused and pretty much weirded out by the whole thing.

 


	6. Grace and Understanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Gabriel has a heart to heart with girl Cas whilst the two Dean's do some talking of their own and Sam, Cas, Deanna and Castiel compare universes.

**Chapter 6**

 

 

Present

 

Dean and Castiel were sat on the top of the bed, she was half in his lap and he had his arms wound around her. He hadn’t said a word in the last half an hour and neither had she, there really wasn’t much to say anyway. They had no idea why they were here, no idea when they could go home and the longer they stayed, the more pain she knew Dean was in. 

As reassured as she felt every time Dean told her he needed her and loved her, it still didn’t seem to do any good. They had never just been two halves of the same whole, they had been part of a family that was only complete with Sammy in it. Now, even though they had Charlie, Kathryn, Balthazar and his wife it still felt hollow and although the others tried their best, it was never enough to fill the void left behind by Sammy’s death.

A nock sounded at the door but neither of them moved.

“Who is it?” Dean called out.

“Gabriel.” Came the reply in a voice both familiar and long missed. 

Dean tensed in her arms but Castiel sat up straighter.

“Prove it,” she replied, not knowing exactly what he would do or why she had asked. 

“Oh come on, how do you think you got here?”

“He’s right you know, only Gabriel would dick around with us to this level,” Dean told her and she nodded before he dropped his arms from around her and looked back to the door. “You can come in, not like anything is stopping you anyway.” 

Gabriel appeared in a flutter of wings in front of them and wore the same goofy grin he had when he was being particularly annoying.

“You know, I thought you’d have been a bit more stringent. Getting soft are we?” he asked, looking between the two of them. Castiel met his gaze but shrugged in response. “Ah. So that’s how it is?”

“What do you want Gabriel? With us? What lesson are you so damn desperate for us to learn that we have to be stuck here?” Dean snapped, standing up and walking towards him.

“I actually wanted to talk to my sister.”

“She is not your sister, you died years ago and the last time you saw her you were anything but kind.” Dean towered over Gabriel and he seemed to let him even though there was no way for Dean to win this argument. Castiel stayed where she was, she knew Gabriel wasn’t there to hurt them but she wasn’t too happy with him being there, either.

“Fine, I want to talk to your _wife_.” Gabriel’s emphasis on the last word flared Dean’s anger further for a moment before he deflated.

“How do you know about that?” he asked, taking a small step back from Gabriel.

“Well, the rings were my first clue.” 

Castiel looked to the ring on her finger, a solid silver band with her name and Dean’s carved in Enochian on the inside. Sammy had had custom rings made for both her and Dean in secret and they had been both a wedding gift and a surprise. They hadn’t wanted or planned on getting married but Sammy had insisted and worked with Charlie to set up all the correct paperwork and social security details and the ceremony had been nothing more than the bunkers current inhabitants and Balthazar at a registry office. In fact Dean and Castiel hadn’t even known what was happening until they were dragged from the Bunker in the guise of a hunt. 

They hadn’t realised until afterwards why Sammy had made them do it, she had wanted them to be legally family before she sacrificed herself not more than a month later, to lock out hell from earth. It was because of that that they didn’t talk about it and never made reference to it but also why they never took their rings off. 

“And the second?” she asked, given that Dean seemed frozen to the spot.

“I’ve been to your world, I almost took Deanna and Castiel there but it wasn’t quite right. I also had a good look around and looked into a few things.” He looked up at Dean. “Look, I’m not here to hurt you but I want to speak with Castiel in private.” He held his hand up to stop Dean from interrupting him. “I won’t do anything to hurt her I promise and I thought you might want to talk to other you, of everyone here he’ll be able to understand what you are going through.” Dean looked from Gabriel to Cas before finally walking back to the bed. 

“You okay with this Cas?” he asked and she nodded.

“I trust him,” she told Dean, taking his hand for a moment.

“Okay then, but call out if you need anything.” He leaned down and she tipped her head up to meet him in the middle for a kiss. 

Dean didn’t look at Gabriel when he walked out of the room but he did slam the door as he left.

***

Castiel had been happy enough to leave and keep Sam company whilst the Deans talked it out, although he had deliberately tongued his Dean in full view of the other before he left, which left Dean flustered and a little proud of him.

The other Dean didn’t say a word until they heard the door to Sam’s room close behind Cas across the hall.

“Gabriel is here. Sent me to talk to you while he talks to Cas,” Other Dean told him, grabbing a chair from the corner of the room and placing it with a slight thud at the beside.

“And you’re okay with that?” Dean asked.

Other Dean shook his head. “Not one bit but I wouldn’t put it past our favourite archangel not to send me into oblivion until he’s said whatever it is he wants to say to her, so I came here instead.” He sat himself down and stared at Dean doing the same thing. To anyone who looked in they would appear to be identical twins, save from the colour of shirts they were wearing they were dressed the same. But Dean could tell the differences. He knew from the moments he could stand to look at himself in the mirror that he looked less haunted after the past few months and although none of the lines on his face had faded, he hadn’t added any more. 

The Dean in front of him looked haggard, more so than he could ever remember looking, despite everything that had happened to him. He also wouldn’t meet his eyes directly but Dean had been able to see how broken and damaged he had looked as soon as the four of them had been alone to talk earlier in the day. His shoulders sagged and his hair looked as though the only reason it was tidy was by force of habit rather than care and Dean considered for a moment that it was Cas’s doing rather than his own. In fact the only person he’d been able to look at, the only person he’d let near him was Castiel. 

“You know, if you can’t even look yourself in the eye then this may not be the best idea,” Dean told him, curious but also wary of the fact that he was alone with perhaps the only person who knew and understood him completely. It was weird in a way he was sure maybe only Sam would appreciate (and he was the only one without a double).

Other Dean didn’t so much as respond and seemed to be ignoring him, Dean could appreciate that. 

“You were raised by dad too?” It was a start.

Dean nodded. “Yeah.” His one word answer seemed to strike a chord with other Dean and he finally looked up at him.

“Makes you wonder what it would have been like to grow up with mom.” He looked sad but his guard was still firmly up and for the first time Dean understood a little of what Sam and Cas must have felt like when they tried to get him to open up.

“Yeah, although I think we have our answer. Can’t say I spent a lot of time wondering what I’d look like if I was a girl but I can’t say I’m disappointed either,” Dean told him, figuring humour was a safe place to start.

“Yeah, I hadn’t really thought about Cas ever being a guy either but I’m kinda impressed,” Other Dean admitted and Dean smiled.

“Yeah, he’s ah, he’s Cas.” which was apparently the best answer Dean could come up with. Because although Castiel was pretty nice to look at it hadn’t ever been about that for him. He had literally and completely unintentionally fallen in love with the person, not the body, which was a good thing considering it hadn’t originally been Cas’ to start with.

“Is that why it took you guys so long?” Other Dean asked.

Dean nodded, he saw no point in lying. “Yeah.”

“Probably for the best.”

“Seriously? It got you both out of purgatory - you avoided Naomi’s pissing contest and Cas didn’t run off on you - again.” Dean sounded bitter because he was but he kept his temper down, there was more going on here - he just didn’t know what.

“Yeah, well Balthazar got played by Naomi instead and the angel’s still fell and -” But he stopped himself and shook his head. Dean didn’t push him, he didn’t feel like having an argument with himself if he could help it. “Cas being a girl? Not the best thing that could have happened. Do you have any idea what it’s like to sleep with someone who’s lying to you and to know they’re lying but not knowing how to call bullshit without losing them all together?” 

Dean shook his head. “No, and I really don’t want to. Cas said he thought it would have been worse that way. Can’t say I’m sorry I missed that.”

“No, I wish I had.” He sighed. “Look, I’m guessing this is a once only kind of conversation, so I should ask what I want to right?”

Dean nodded. “Right.”

“When did you know you were in love with him?” And really Dean should have expected such a direct question but it still took him a moment before he answered.

“After purgatory,” Dean told him, they had already been over this.

“Okay… when did you start to realise that Cas meant more to you that you wanted to admit?” He could have said any point after he came back from the dead the first time, but that wasn’t what he was really being asked.

“When I dragged his trench coat out of the water, dried it out then continued to make sure it stayed with me until I saw him again.” This was embarrassing to talk about - even to himself. “I though he was dead and yet I… I couldn’t let go. And Sam knew, but he didn’t say anything - not until I was back from purgatory and that in itself… I don’t know. I didn’t have some big internal homophobic crisis if that is what you’re asking. Cas had already told us that God and heaven don’t care one way or the other, it was all just me realising how I felt about Cas and what it meant for us. No matter how I looked at it, it meant we were screwed ten ways from Sunday.”

“Did you tell him?” It felt as though he was being interviewed as a victim of some supernatural monster or ghost and that other Dean was deliberately asking the questions so that Dean could not do the same to him. He was hiding something. For now though Dean saw no point in arguing with him, it actually felt good to get this off his chest.

Dean shrugged. “I tried to, but it turned out he didn’t understand when I told him I needed him - twice.” He shook his head. “I don’t know… Then there was the whole mess with the tablets and Sam… then Metatron and I gave up hope of him ever wanting me in return, thought I’d misread everything when he said he wanted to go back to heaven - to fix it.” Other Dean stayed silent so Dean continued. “He called me after Metatron tricked him, the cell in his pocket was still on and charged…. Sam was in the bunker with Charlie and Kevin in the treatment room and when I heard his voice, when he told me what had happened I just… I just broke down. He kept saying he was sorry, asked what had happened to Sam, wanted to make sure he was okay and I… I asked him where he was and said I was coming to get him. He said I didn’t have to, that it had been his fault and I think I told him to shut up and not to argue…. I just remember Charlie finding me and said she was coming with me - she didn’t trust me to drive on my own.” Dean looked at the ceiling. “I don’t remember the drive, I just remember thinking I had almost lost my brother and Cas all at the same time and now there was a chance I could save them both and I… when I saw him I was so relieved and angry at the same time I didn’t know what to do. He was sat in front of a cafe holding a cup of coffee and shivering with the cold. When he saw us he just stood, walked to the car and got in the back seat.”

“That it?”

“Yeah, I mean I didn’t know what to do and neither did he. I think he and Charlie talked on the way back, she figured out what had happened and filled him in during the drive. I was useless, we didn’t even really talk until we’d saved Sam.”

“How?” Other Dean’s question was quiet and Dean looked at him, the tension in his shoulders was sudden but not what surprised him the most. “I don’t mean how you saved him, I mean how did you stop him in the first place?” He was shaking, not with rage but with sadness. He was looking at the floor but his hands clenched together in his lap gave him away. Other Dean was crying and there were only a few things that would ever make either of them break down like that.

“Is that why you’re here?” Dean asked, suddenly angry at Gabriel for sending this Dean and Castiel here and sorry he had ever thought their lives were better.

“I tried… I told her we couldn’t live without her, what was the point? And we did everything we could but she… she.”

“She completed the trails. She closed the gates of hell.” And although it wasn’t his world, although that hadn’t happened here Dean still felt the flood of pain and absolute despair that thought brought him.

 

***

 

“Hey sis.” Gabriel gave her a small wave and walked towards the bed.

“I am not your sister.” She glared at him but there was really no fire to her words.

“Close enough.” He shrugged and clicked his fingers to bring forwards a chair from a typical counsellors room, white and large before he dropped down onto it and settled back. “Right now it’s just you and me in here, no one can hear us or see us and you can tell me whatever you want in complete confidence.”

Castiel regarded him carefully. “You would be a lot more convincing without the attitude and the theatrics.”

“Castiel, do you not know me at all?” But all she did was glare at him.

“The last time I saw you you locked me away in a Japanese survival horror show - which I won by the way - before you gave up on that one and -”

“Okay, okay point taken.” He snapped his fingers again and was instead sat on the foot of the bed. “So, no set dressing for this conversation and no comedy.” He shook his head and sighed. “Fine, you win.” Castiel’s reply was a sad smile.

“No, I really don’t.” 

Gabriel just gave a slight nod of his head. “I really did bring you here to talk, I know you don’t feel like you can do that with anyone in your world because of everything that’s happened and even though you’re wrong…. I wanted to give you the chance here.”

“Talking about it won’t help,” she told him, hands folded together in her lap as she looked down at them.

“That’s not always true.”

Cas shook her head. “It won’t bring Sammy back so there’s no point discussing it.”

Gabriel treaded carefully, keeping his tone honest. “No, it won’t. But it might make you feel better.”

Castiel looked up at him, tears brimming in her eyes and snapped at him. “I don’t want it to,” her words were clipped and harsh.

“This is worse than I thought,” Gabriel whispered but Cas stayed silent. “I know you love him but Dean Winchester is not the best emotional role model.” But this Castiel like almost all the others looked to Dean or Deanna as their mentor, to their credit to detriment. Sometimes both. Even Balthazar would have been a better emotional role model - or Sam.

“This is not your mess to clean up Gabriel,” she told him, eyes fierce in the silence left by her statement.

He only smiled sadly at her. “Well, I’m here anyway.”

“What do you want me to tell you?” she asked after another lapse into unwanted silence between them.

“Whatever you want, but I was hoping you’d talk about Sammy.”

Cas choked on a sob and shook her head, standing up and marching straight over to the bathroom.

“Cas?” Gabriel was at her side in an instant with a firm hand around her wrist. She tried to shake him off but he held on tight. “It wasn’t your fault.” 

“It doesn’t matter. Dean isn’t happy without Sammy and I am not enough for him. I can’t do this without her and I thought she knew… I thought she had always known.” Castiel stayed on her feet but Gabriel could feel her shaking as tears ran down her cheeks unchecked. “Dean always needed us both.”

“And what about you?” Gabriel asked her gently, deliberately not raising his voice.

“Gabriel.” 

“Who am I going to tell? If I wanted your Dean to hear this I would have asked him to stay. I don’t know much about your world but I do know Sam. He or she wouldn’t want you to suffer like this Cas, neither of you.

“Then why did she leave us?” Cas was furious, quiet anger in her words and the tears still rolling down her cheeks. “Dean only gets up in the mornings if I do and even then he doesn’t want to…. He barely cooks anymore and I just let Charlie or Kathryn do it for us.” She shook her head. “The rest of the world may be demon free but we are falling apart. She made sure we were married so that we would be legally family, she made sure we would be safe but we’re not okay…. Neither of us are ever going to be okay again and if I’m not angry at her then I’m just so….” She shook her head again and free strands of hair stuck to the wet trail of tears on her face.. “She was my best friend and Dean’s sister and she just left us alone.”

Gabriel pulled Castiel against him, gently enough that she could push him away at any point if she had wanted to, but she didn’t and when he let go of her arm she didn’t run, instead she collapsed against him in tears. He held her up and brushed one hand through her hair, the other resting firmly on her back. 

Gabriel guided her back towards the bed and sat with her on the foot of it. She was still crying, angry sobs wracking her body and tears soaking into a shirt he was constantly having to keep dry but at least this was a start. He knew why she was angry and it was so human it would have taken him aback if he wasn’t so used to his own Castiel’s behaviour. Humanity was not an easy thing for an Angel to get used to - especially one who had loved so strongly before they fell.

“Would it make you feel any better if I told you what you’re feeling is normal?” Cas just shook her head and he sighed. “Have you and Dean actually spoken about this?”

“He tells me it’s not my fault…. And we tried once but we both just…” There were tears in her eyes again and Gabriel moved her so she sat with her legs over his and her head rested against his shoulder.

“Cas?” She didn’t answer but he knew she was listening. “You have to try again.”

“I can’t do that to Dean. Not until he’s ready.”

Gabriel let out a harsh bark of laughter. “Dean doesn’t talk about his feelings until he absolutely has to and this isn’t just about him, you lost her too Cas.”

“It doesn’t matter,” she told him, wiping a tear away from her cheek and trying to tidy up her hair. Gabriel was about to tell her that was ridiculous but then understood what she meant. She was wrong but to her it was the right choice.

“Cas, just because she was Dean’s sister doesn’t make your grief and your pain any less real,” he told her quietly.

“But it makes it less important.” The way she said it meant she believed it and Gabriel felt himself despair for a moment. He took a breath and played the card he was hoping he wouldn’t have to use, but all Winchesters were stubborn and would fight everything and anything until they had nothing left but to talk to each other.

“You know that’s not what she would have wanted.”

Cas looked at him, working through an answer in her head but his words had done what he intended, had gotten her to think about it - to think about Sammy and, like most people after the loss of a loved one, it was met with more tears and sobbing quietly into Gabriel’s shirt.

“It’s okay to miss her Cas,” he told her, rubbing his hand up and down his back to soothe her.

He sat there and held her until she fell asleep then continued to hold her until Dean returned half an hour later. He lifted the silence ban from the room the moment he heard the footsteps approaching and put a mild spell on Castiel to keep her sleeping though the conversation he knew he was about to have.

Dean shoved the door open and stopped in the doorway, anger finding its way onto his face as he saw Castiel held in Gabriel’s arms, but he didn’t say anything until the door was closed.

“What the hell do you think you are doing Gabriel?” he asked, voice hushed and angry as he walked towards them.

“Comforting _your_ wife and my sister.” The emphasis was not lost on Dean and Gabriel waited for the backlash.

“You have no right -”

“I have _every_ right. Do you have any idea why I brought you here?”

“To screw with us? To mess with us - to show us the prize we could have won if we had tried harder?” 

Gabriel shook his head. “Sometimes you really are a self righteous prick, you know that?” He looked up at Dean from where he sat on the bed and glared hard. In terms of power Dean was nothing compared to Gabriel but he could still lose this argument if he wasn’t careful.

“That’s your label not mine, I never asked for any of this.”

“No, you didn’t but tough shit Dean. Lots of people get things they don’t deserve and I know you and your family have had more than your fair share - hell you’ve had more than most people have in several lifetimes - but don’t shoot down the one trying to help you.” He raised his voice enough for Dean to know that he was serious and to back down. It worked. “That is why I brought you here, not to see how it is everywhere else…. I could have sent you anywhere for that, I did it to give you the chance to talk to someone about it and to understand that at some point you have to face up to what happened and talk to her about it.”

“Is that what you’ve been doing?” Dean still sounded angry, more so when he looked down at Cas and saw her puffy eyes and still damp cheeks.

“Well you won’t.”

“I’ve tried!” Dean countered.

“Not hard enough,” Gabriel told him, making sure not to loose eye contact. “She feel’s like she can’t admit how much she misses Sammy because it’s insignificant to how you feel.”

“How can she? She’s the only reason I’m coping… without her…”

“Exactly.”

Dean was silent while he took in what Gabriel said and eventually he sighed, shaking his head and looking down at Cas. 

“I don’t know how to make this right without Sammy, I don’t know what to do and I don’t know how to fix this whole mess.”

“You can’t,” Gabriel said.

“What?” 

“You can’t fix this, nothing you or Cas do will bring your sister back. But you are not alone, you have each other and you even have friends around you… just talk to her please, it will get easier and you will be okay enough to start to move on.”

Dean shook his head. “Gabriel, that’s…. That’s a lot to ask.”

“Hey, I never said it was going to be easy, but I do know that you won’t survive losing Cas too and she needs you.”

“I know.”

Gabriel stood up, with Castiel still in his arms - she weighed practically nothing to him despite his vessel’s size and appearance.

“Here. She’ll wake up as soon as I leave.” He passed her over carefully to Dean who immediately kissed the top of her head and held her close. Gabriel smiled.

“How long do we have to stay here for?” Dean asked as Gabriel opened the door.

“Until the morning, you don’t just get to disappear - you’ll have to see me again before you can go home.”

Dean nodded. “Why are you doing this?”

Gabriel smiled. “To make things right.”

“I get that but why?”

He shrugged. “I’ve seen a lot of worlds and the ones where I lived and helped you guys always ended better than the ones where I died. Think of this as me trying to make amends for running away from a fight for too long.” With that he closed the door and headed out.

***

“So, you have Balthazar - if he’s still hiding where he was, Crowley’s bones and you now know where the bunker is and how to find the key. I think that about covers it,” Sam told Deanna and her Castiel, resting back against his new chair. (Gabriel had left the comfy one he’d summoned and once he was sure it wasn’t going to disappear, Sam claimed it as his.)

Cas nodded. “Try to avoid the tablets if you can, and if you find them don’t open them - it’s not worth the attention from anyone and I think Kevin Tran is better left alone than brought into all this mess.”

Deanna was actually writing all of it down in a brown leather journal not dissimilar to their fathers, that Dean still updated. Castiel had her own open as well and added the same notes as well as a few other things in Enochian (Sam guessed they related to finding her lost brother but he couldn’t be sure). 

“Right. We have enough angel’s on our side to help us once things are evened out and with Crowley gone that’ll be one less thing to worry about,” Deanna told them.

Cas smiled. “Just remember, in no uncertain terms - do not touch purgatory or allow anyone else to do so, Leviathan are not worth whatever gains you think you might find.” They all nodded and Sam sent his friend a sympathetic smile. He didn’t need to tell him out loud that it hadn’t all been his fault but he couldn’t help the reminder.

“Will that be enough?” he asked them.

Deanna nodded. “It’s more than we have and Sam’s going to get his nerd on when he see’s the bunker.” She smiled at the mention of her brother and Sam once again wished it would have been possible to meet his other self.

The door to their room was pushed open and Sam looked up to greet his brother but was instead pulled to his feet and held close against Dean’s chest instead. His brother’s arms around him were so tight he could hardly breathe but he didn’t struggle, just returned the hug and held on until Dean released him. 

It turned out that Dean intended to hold on for longer than he expected and Sam managed to gasp out. “What the hell is going on Dean?” Before his brother finally gave him enough room to breathe.

“Just wanted to make sure you’re okay Sammy.” Dean’s hands were firm on his shoulders and he looked like he had been crying.

“I’m fine Dean.”  _I’ve been fine since you and Cas figured out how to heal me_. But he kept that to himself, this had something to do with the other Dean and Castiel currently not present and Sam didn’t want to think about the implication of why they were here.

“Just making sure.” Then Dean held him again, although Sam was ready for him this time and made sure there was enough breath in his lungs to ride it out and enjoy his brother’s emotional honesty for once. When he released him for the second time Dean went to Cas, who stood up and allowed Dean to do the same to him, Sam didn’t hear what was said between the two of them but he watched his brother kiss Cas gently when it was over and that simple display of affection told him enough.

Gabriel came in shortly after but barely managed to say two words to any of them before Dean grabbed his arm.

“Gabriel, a word?” 

Sam had been expecting Dean to be shrugged off but instead Gabriel nodded.

“Nice to see you too Dean,” he said instead and Sam chuckled as Dean rolled his eyes.

“Now, Gabriel.”

“See you all in a bit,” Gabriel told the room and let Dean pull him across the hallway with calls of “You don’t have to be that rough with me.” and “Is this how you get all the angel’s alone in a room with you?” Dean didn’t respond kindly to either remark and Cas chuckled until they were out of earshot.

“Right, where were we?” Sam asked, addressing the room again.

 ***

“Right.” Dean said as he closed the door behind them. “I call bullshit Gabriel, why the hell are you here?”

“I told you Dean-o, trying to fix my world and save my family.”

“Besides that,” Dean pressed, as Gabriel flopped down on another of his self made chairs.

“Dean, really, I think you’re thinking about this too hard.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought until I spoke to other me, heard what he and his Cas have been through and what happened to his sister. If you were hiding, they didn’t need to be here - if you were gathering information and hiding your family you wouldn’t even need them to talk to us but you did and they are.”

“Oh come on Dean, you know me - or at least your version of me - that would be boring, this is much more fun,” Gabriel told him, sat back in his chair and smiling at him. “And they needed to learn a lesson.”

“How’s that going by the way?”

“Pretty well actually.” 

Dean scowled. “Look, the others probably don’t care, Cas is curious but he won’t ask and Sam? Sam’s probably going to figure it out in that big brain of his. But me? I go on instinct and this is above and beyond even for you Gabriel.”

“What can I say Dean? I’m a different person.” But his smile wasn’t bright enough for Dean to believe it.

Dean sighed and pinched at the bridge of his nose. “This probably started out as a way to hide your family but I think it’s more than that. You’re trying to right a wrong.”

“Dean.” That sounded like a warning.

But he shook his head. “I know what that looks like so what’s going on?”

Gabriel sighed but shrugged and gave up. “You really want to know? Can’t guarantee you’re going to like it.”

Dean just shrugged. “Hasn’t stopped you before.”

“That is true.” He smiled. “You are right though, this really did start out as a way to save my family. Kali, Deanna, Castiel and Sam are the first people I have been proud to call family in centuries and I would do anything to protect them - anything.”

“Go on.”

“Really Dean? You’re going to make me talk about this? You won’t even talk about your own feelings most of the time.”

Dean just shrugged. “Changed man Gabriel, avoiding losing Sam and getting Cas back will do that to a person.”

“That easy?” Gabriel did not look or sound convinced.

Dean laughed, but it sounded sad and regretful. “Of course not but what was I supposed to do? Cas might have left over and over again but he always came back - always. And even though most of his reasons were bullshit he always thought he was doing the right thing, so I had to try too.” He sighed. “Turns out ‘I need you’ isn’t specific enough out of context.”

Gabriel chuckled. “Cas is always pretty precise when it comes to that kind of thing - whoever they are.”

“But apparently I’m not always bitter and angry with the world.” Dean said, unable to hide the self pity and disgust in his voice.

“No, but that is never your fault Dean.” Gabriel moved uncomfortably in his seat and clicked his fingers. “Would you sit down?” But Dean just looked at the seat warily and Gabriel rolled his eyes. “Seriously.” But Dean went and grabbed another chair from the room and shoved the conjured one out of the way before sitting down and waiting for his explanation.

“I don’t want a sob story Gabriel, but I do want to know what you’re up to.”

“You’re more trusting in other worlds too you know.” But Dean knew from Gabriel’s tone that he meant nothing by it, that he was just trying to get him to back off.

“Well I haven’t angel whammied you out of here yet so count yourself lucky.”

“Uh. Fine.” Gabriel shrugged. “There’s like a spectrum of worlds out there, alternate realities and universes, although it’s not infinite - worlds sometimes merge together as often as they split apart if the changes become so small no one would know the difference. Yours is pretty far down on the shitty end of the spectrum, but there are plenty worse believe me.”

“Yeah, Zachariah showed me one of them.”

Gabriel’s eyes widened. “You sure?”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, Croatoan virus everywhere, Cas was a drug addicted hippy, Sam was the devil and I was pretty much the worse version of me I can imagine - and I remember hell.” He still shuddered at the thought of sending Cas to die, even after Purgatory and Leviathan he couldn’t ever imagine doing that.

“He could alter reality but I’m not sure he could travel in time without the assistance of heaven - not like that.” Gabriel explained.

Dean just blinked. “What?”  
Gabriel actually looked as though he was thinking about it. “I mean it’s possible, if he was working for Michael and Raphael they would probably have leant him all the power he needed…. But don’t be so sure. I haven’t found a universe quite like that, not yet - although I didn’t bother going much further down the scale than this world and the one I took our special guests from.”

Dean just shook his head. “So all this time that could have just been an illusion?”

Gabriel shrugged. “Possibly, I really don’t know. I was still pretty far under the radar back then so I couldn’t tell you, but it doesn’t matter right? Not that future anyway.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Dean let it sink in for a few minutes, that something he’d always thought was real may have been an illusion after all. But he remembered the first time Cas had dealt with serious pain during a hunt and realised that either way it had been a lesson well learnt, their medicine cabinet was locked until he adapted well enough to life as a human.

“So, I started taking a look at some of the better ones -our universe is in the middle-  and eventually at the best worlds, the worlds where peace and freewill managed to find a balance. There are still monsters and demons but all on a much smaller scale and there are enough Hunters and Men and Women of Letters to keep everything running smoothly.”

Dean was losing a little bit of patience with Gabriel but he didn’t want to push it.

“I wondered why at first, there didn’t seem to be anything different, but then I took a trip to Heaven and I knew why.” Gabriel sounded serious and it surprised Dean that he had taken his request to heart.

“God?” Dean asked, pretty sure that was always the answer between a shitty universe and a good one.

“No.” Gabriel looked pained by it and Dean wondered if he had told anyone besides him what had happened and what he had seen. “Me.” He smiled sadly. “I’m what was different about heaven. Turns out in the universes that I manned up and faced my family - the ones that I never left and instead fought in are the best  universes out there.”

Dean was silent, there was nothing he could say and although he knew he should be angry - furious even - he wasn’t. Instead he understood at least a small part of that. Hadn’t he told Sam he didn’t care about locking away hell if it meant he could keep him alive? Hadn’t he wished he’d stood up to his father all those times when he and Sam were younger? 

Gabriel seemed to think he was just holding back his anger though because he chose to keep on explaining. “I looked at two of them in detail. In both your parents are alive and well, in both you and Sam are Men or Women of letters. Sam even finds Jess and marries her and the worst that happens is your parents argue about it.”

Dean swallowed then because the worlds he was being told about still lacked something. “Cas?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper. Because he knew already that he couldn’t imagine being happy without both his brother and Castiel, but then if they had never met he probably would have been content to bask in his brothers happiness instead.

Gabriel smiled at that. “Castiel always finds their way to you, fell both times for you actually.”

“He’s human?”

“Can’t have Nephilim running around everywhere Dean.” But Dean sent him a confused look. “Nephilim, children of the daughters of man and son’s of Heaven? I mean in the universe you’re both guys, you married and adopted, but in the other you got married and had babies - it’s sickening really. But the Letters organisation needed another generation of legacies and Deanna and Castiel weren’t willing to disappoint,” He said the last bit with a smile and an eye roll.

Dean just sighed and sat back in his seat, letting silence settle between them. It was so much to take in it felt unreal.

“So you’re right Dean, I didn’t need Deanna and Castiel to see or speak with you, I didn’t need to bring the other Dean and Cas along either…. But I have to make amends. It was my mistake in leaving.”

Dean shook his head. “Gabriel, I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but it’s not your fault - you couldn’t have known.”

“Doesn’t matter. I wanted freedom instead of standing up to them all and fighting for a better heaven, a better world and this is what happened.”

“But that was only two worlds, what about the worlds where you lost the fight? If they had killed you before you left how bad would it have been then? We wouldn’t have known how to close the cage if it hadn’t been for you. And you said there were other worlds worse than ours, perhaps that’s why.”

Gabriel chuckled. “You really have changed haven’t you Dean.”

Dean shrugged but didn’t correct him. He wanted to ask about Kali, but he also didn’t know enough about their situation to ask, the fact that he had mentioned her before meant that she must still be with him in his world. Maybe that was his trade off, a life with them and Kali in these worlds whereas there he had to run and manage Heaven and never have any freedom of his own.

“Right, well.” Gabriel stood, back to his bright and cheery persona. “I should get back to the others, I’m sure Sam and Cas are enjoying their intellectual debate with Castiel and Deanna about the differences in our worlds but it’s probably time for a break.”

“You know Sam’s disappointed you didn’t bring other Sam along.”

“Yes, but that much Sam in one room? I wasn’t sure any universe could handle the excitement.” He grinned. “Or that much perfect hair in one room.” Dean just rolled his eyes in response.

Gabriel had the door open by the time Dean asked the question he had wanted to ask since he learned why Deanna and Castiel had been sent here.

“But why this world?”

Gabriel smiled. “There is the most hope here, of all the worlds I’ve seen, this one has the best chance of getting itself back together.” Then Gabriel was gone and Dean followed after him.

 

***

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again big thanks to my beta reader 4theloveoftea.


	7. Good byes and moving on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam realises there is probably something he can do to help and Gabriel carries on the Casa Erotica series.

**Chapter 7**

 

_Present_

 

Everyone had switched back to their original rooms and Gabriel - after some prodding from Sam - had made sure they were all cleaned and showed no signs of the sorts of activities he knew his brother and Cas had been up to earlier on that day.

Deanna and Castiel had fallen asleep in the next bed to his and although they weren’t wrapped around each other, they were laying close and their hands were wound together on the gap between the pillows. They looked peaceful and the only sign of tension was the strong grip their hands had on each others. 

His brother and Cas had headed to bed after making sure Sam was okay staying in the room with the others - they had offered to let him stay with them but he had turned them down because they had looked like they needed time alone.

Now though it was past two in the morning and he still couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t stop thinking about the other Dean and Cas and how sad and distant they had seemed the entire time they had been here. Then there was the way his brother had marched in and hugged him before dragging Gabriel away… he knew what it meant, that their world was missing something - was missing him. They hadn’t joined the rest of them for dinner but neither Dean or Gabriel had been surprised by this even if he and the other’s had been. Dean had been reluctant to tell him anything besides the fact that their Sam was a girl - which he had already realised - and that what ever had happened with the Trials in that world had been bad. And bad meant she had died, Sam could imagine why - knew exactly why she had made that choice, after all because he had made the same one. It seemed though, that that Dean hadn’t been able to stop her and he could understand that. 

He pulled himself out of bed and grabbed the old hoody he brought with him and then pulled on a pair of jeans. He knew that he wouldn’t want to let them leave without trying to talk to them and if they turned him away then it was their choice.

Deanna and Castiel didn’t stir as he left the room and closed the door as quietly as possible and for that he was glad, his brother and Cas seemed to be asleep too as their room light was off and there was no noise (muffled or otherwise) coming from their room.

Other Dean and Cas were awake though because he could see low light pouring out from underneath their door. He took a deep breath and ran his hands through his hair to calm himself before knocking. 

“Who is it?” Cas asked quietly.

“It’s Sam,” he told them and waited for their hushed talking to finish and for them to decide whether or not to invite him inside. 

“Come in.” Cas eventually told him and he pushed down the handle before opening the door and stepping inside. They both looked as though they had been crying. Cas had her hair pulled up into a messy ponytail  and was wearing an old pair of what looked like Dean’s sweatpants along with a purple hoody that was likely her own. Dean was dressed almost exactly the same but his eyes were puffy and his hair was a mess, he also looked at least ten years older and Sam felt himself shudder at the sight of them.

“Hi guys.” Sam closed the door quietly behind him and rested against it, now he was there he didn’t know what to say so he waited for the others to speak first.

“Did Gabriel send you?” Cas asked, sounding curious as well as confused.

Sam shook his head. “No, I’m pretty sure he said something about filming Casa Erotica 16 whilst he was here.” Sam sighed, then remembered that Dean had kept that copy of 13 and it was now sitting in their self made movie den in the bunker next to his Doctor Sexy box set's. He didn’t want to contemplate what that said about his brother, or Cas who he had caught watching it more than once.

Dean gave a small smile but the sadness in his eyes returned the moment it faded.

“Did your Dean ask you to talk to us?” Cas asked, but again Sam shook his head.

“I couldn’t sleep and I thought it might help if you could talk to me.” They both looked at him. “I know what happened, your Sam - your sister - sealed the gates of hell and died. It wasn’t hard to figure out,” Sam added at their joint looks of sadness and mild shock.

“What else do you know?” Dean asked, his voice low and raw. No doubt from all the crying earlier in the night.

“That there is nothing you could have done to stop her.” Dean flinched at his words but Cas reached out her hand and took his. Sam noticed the ring on her finger and blinked, he hadn’t noticed that before.

“No offence Sam.” Dean’s emphasis on the word made is clear his sister had never just gone by Sam. “But you’re stood right here, there must have been something I could have said to stop you because your brother did.”

Sam nodded. “I’ve been thinking about that and I have a few questions, if that’s okay.”

Dean and Cas looked at each other for a long moment, having the sort of silent conversation Sam was used to seeing between his own Dean and Cas. 

“What do you wanna know?” Dean asked him.

Sam took a deep breath. “What did Sammy need forgiving before her blood would be pure enough?”

“What?” Both the other version of his brother and Cas looked shocked at the question.

“It’s important.” Sam didn’t want to press them but he had been thinking about it over and over and it was the only thing that really made sense.

“Why?” Dean asked him, sounding more broken than before.

“Because my greatest sin was failing Dean, letting him down time and time again. I was wrong to think that, but I can’t say I was thinking straight at the time.” Sam shuddered at the memory of the accusations he’d laid on his brother. His own self doubt was really his greatest failing - he just hadn’t understood it then.

“What would make you think that?” Dean asked, sounding almost like Sam’s Dean from that night.

Sam shook his head and gave him a pained smile. “It doesn’t matter… last year, last year things were very different here… everything with Cas and the tablet and Naomi… I took on the trials even though I knew Dean wanted to and it… I don’t know. Things were bad and I thought the only way to save things - to stop things was to complete the trials and end it. That without me… without me, Dean could live a better life.” He paused and took a few deep breaths to steady himself. “I was wrong and Dean got through to me.” When he looked up at them again Cas had silent tears running down her cheeks and Dean had her hand tightly held in his own. It must have hurt and his knuckles were white with the effort but she didn’t say anything about it.

“Our last year wasn’t like that,” Cas said finally, speaking so quietly Sam could only just hear her. “I came back from purgatory with Dean and became human as a result and it was Balthazar that Metatron tricked.”

“Sammy….Sammy… she.” Dean shook his head and looked away but he still held onto Cas’ hand and eventually he continued speaking. “She asked forgiveness for Ruby and for not finding a way to bring us back from purgatory and… and for leaving us. She said her greatest sin was her selfishness at leaving us alone, that she was sorry… but there was no other way. She’d been planning it for months, had us get married and everything.”

Sam looked at them with wide eyes. “I wasn’t, I hadn’t realised what was going to happen until right near the very end.”

Cas looked like she was overcome with guilt and Sam realised she must have blamed herself for all of this, saw herself as the different factor that had changed everything. Sam didn’t know how to tell her she wasn’t because he knew from looking at her that she wouldn’t believe him.

“What did she do that year you were gone? Sammy I mean? And was there ever a Jess?” Sam asked.

Dean’s voice was shaky when he spoke but he did at least try to answer. “There was a Jess, she died the same way she did here and in the other universe and it almost destroyed Sammy. But when we were in Purgatory she looked for a way to find us… but Kathryn had been taken by Crowley so she didn’t really have any starting point. She researched everything she could find on Purgatory but couldn’t figure out how to open the door without letting everything out again. So instead she tried to find Kathryn, which she also couldn’t do so she settled somewhere and worked as a receptionist I think, until I called her and she came back to us.”

“So no Amelia then?” Sam said and both Cas and Dean looked at him in surprise.

“No, she didn’t mention anyone, friend or not,” Dean told him.

“Huh.” Sam took a deep breath. “Well, as similar as we might have been and as close as our worlds are I think Sammy and me turned out pretty differently. I didn’t even know where to start looking for you so I didn’t. I ended up as a handy man at a motel then met and moved in with a woman called Amelia.”

Other Dean looked so much like Sam’s own brother had when he had told him the same thing back in the cabin. They were the same at least, it was just he and Sammy that were different.

Cas' eyes were wide in astonishment as if realising something and she stared at Sam for longer than he was comfortable with, even his Cas never stared at anyone but Dean.

“So you weren’t planning on sacrificing yourself until the end?” Other Dean asked, as if making sure of something.

“No. Up until then I was doing it to prove to Dean that there was a way out - a light at the end of the tunnel. I ended up blaming myself for so much along the way that when I realised I was going to die I just accepted it. I took on the trials as a way to prove myself to Dean and if that meant dying at the end of it then so be it.” The silence that descended on them became uncomfortable after a while so Sam spoke again. “Look, I don’t know much about your world but trust me on this one, if that is the decision she had come to then there was no way you were going to be able to stop her and I’m sorry, I really am. But I think she did it to save you, to make sure your life would be better and safer. She did it because she loved you - both of you - very much.”

“And you did it to elevate some of your misplaced guilt over things that had happened, to make it up to your brother who you wrongly thought you had failed,” Cas stated and Sam blinked in surprise. She was right though so he nodded.

“Yeah.” He sighed. “I just thought you should know. It wasn’t your fault, wasn’t something either of you could have stopped - regardless of what had happened in our worlds and I… I think she made the right choice.”

“Do you regret not completing the trials?” Cas asked him, Dean had yet to find his voice but she had found hers. He wondered if it was because her crushing guilt had been elevated just a little.

“Sometimes, yeah,” he admitted. “Dean won’t let me talk about it and Cas always gets very quiet when I try with him, but then I think about it and how wrong I was and I’d rather be here, with Dean and Cas and the others.”

“Thank you,” Other Dean told him after a moment.

Sam just nodded. “You deserved and needed to know.” Sam stepped away from the door and was going to leave when Dean stood, Cas just behind him. He walked slowly over to Sam and held out his arms in silent question. Sam just nodded and let this other Dean put his arms around him and hold him close. He matched his hold and held on too, hoping that this in some small way helped him to heal. They held each other for a long while, other Dean trying not to cry and neither of them talking. 

Sam could only remember the months without Dean, when he had gone to hell and he knew the pain he must be feeling. Only Sammy wasn’t ever coming back, not like the last time and the finality of it broke Sam’s heart. Because if he had gone through with it, if he had died he would have been leaving his brother alone. And as much as he hoped that Cas and his brother would have found each other afterwards (because they always did) they would have been along way off the closeness that the other Dean’s and Cas’ had and that would have made their healing so much harder.

When Dean finally pulled away Sam looked to Cas behind him and despite her height she suddenly looked so small. He knew she must have missed Sammy too - that if they were even as close as he and his Castiel were then they had loved each other as siblings.

“Come here,” he told her and after a small nod she did, holding on close and making fists in the back of his shirt. There was a thank you in her hold as well and Sam held her until she wanted to let go.

“Thank you,” Dean said again when Sam opened the door and stepped out. He just nodded, closed the door behind him and stood still in the quiet hallway.

***

 

Sam had headed back to his room but stopped when he saw his brother and Cas’ room and he knocked quietly after a moment of thinking about it.

Dean answered after door, blinking into the light of the corridor and looking barely conscious.

“Sammy? Everything okay?” he asked, letting his brother in and locking the door. Sam shook his head and pulled his brother into a hug. Dean held him back and Sam sagged in relief.

“I went to speak to them, the other Dean and Cas.”

“Oh.” 

“Yeah,” Sam said and with one final squeeze he let go.

Cas was awake and watching them both and Sam sent a small smile in his direction. He had put on the bedside lamp but was blinking at the brightness. 

“If it’s still alright with you can I stay here tonight?” Sam asked. 

Cas sat up nodding. “Do you want to talk about it?” Because as much as Dean might want to avoid talking about things when he could, Cas always made the effort even if it made him uncomfortable and quiet. 

“Ah, no not tonight, I just ah, wanted to stay here.”

“It’s fine Sammy,” Dean told him patting his shoulder and looked at him for a moment as if assessing how okay he was.

“I’ll be fine guys, I just…”

“It’s okay, we understand. Go on then, get into bed, it’s late… or early and I want to get back to sleep. Plus, you’ve seen Cas in the mornings when he hasn’t had enough sleep right?”

Sam chuckled. “Yeah, good point.”

“I’m right here you know,” Cas told them, but his words were drowsy and he was clearly falling back to sleep.

Sam got into the other bed whilst Dean buried himself under the covers of his own and pulled Cas close against him. Sam hid his smile at that underneath the comforter.

“Night guys,” he told them.

“Night Sammy.” Dean clicked off the lamp whilst Cas just made a grumbling noise that sounded like goodnight afterwards.

Sam was still awake for a little while after Dean and Cas had returned to sleep but he did eventually drift off and slept through the rest of the night.

 

***

Gabriel opened the Balcony window before either of his visitors could knock. “Hi guys, come to join the party?” he asked, wiggling his eyebrows and his moustache at the same time.

Kali sighed and shook her head but the other, newer Gabriel at her side just smirked.

“I’m not sure whether that’s incest or masturbation but either way as much as I would like to… I’m still bound and I’m guessing the answer is no.”

Kali nodded and glared at Gabriel. He only laughed in response.

“I’m just about finished here anyway.” And with a click of his fingers he was back to normal and his hotel room sadly devoid of the conjured beauties that had been there moments before. “So, how can I help?”

“I wanted you to know that it worked,” Kali told him.

“Okay, good. And?” he asked with a small smirk.

“And the other God’s that noticed just thought that Loki had been on another extended vacation. Everyone else from the hotel was killed anyway so I’m the only one left who knows that he - you - are Gabriel.”

“I’m more Pagan than Angel now,” the other Gabriel told him with a smile and when he looked at him Gabriel could see the remains of Grace hidden within him. He was arguably more powerful than a Seraph but no longer an Archangel. “I do still have my blade though.”

“That’s probably going to come in handy.”

Other Gabriel nodded. “I know, Kali has filled me in on a few things.” He looked sombre and no one seemed to have anything to say to that. 

Eventually Gabriel spoke. “Look, we’ll be heading back in the morning after I make sure everyone say’s their goodbyes and you probably won’t see us again.”

Kali nodded and looked at him. “Gabriel, would you go and wait outside?” She didn’t look at him but the other Gabriel left.

“What is it Kali?” Gabriel asked her.

“I…”

“You don’t have to thank me,” he told her, having seen her trying to work out what to say, she looked so much like her other, like his Kali.

“I wasn’t going to.” 

Gabriel raised his eye brows again. “No, but it’s what you wanted to say.”

She sighed. “You’re impossible.”

He smirked. “I know. But Kali, you don’t need to keep him under than blood spell, he’s not going to leave.”

Kali shook her head. “I don’t know how it worked in your universe but here I stabbed him in the chest with what I thought was his Angel blade. I was prepared to kill him to prove that we had a chance - and I thought I had. He remembers, Gabriel.”

“But he still went back for you didn’t he, still wanted to save you.” 

She nodded slowly and she looked worried, guilty and a little afraid. 

“Kali, he loves you. He might be angry but he understands because I would have understood. And you brought him back.” She shook her head. “It was a war, Kali, and we all did things we regret. I’m going back to my world to kill the King of Hell and another of my brothers because my world is still at war, believe me, he understands.”

Gabriel wanted to comfort her but he knew it wasn’t his place, this wasn’t his Kali or his life.

“If you leave him bound to you it will make things worse. Release him, he’s not going anywhere,” he told her seriously, no humour and only honesty in his voice. “You have to trust him Kali if you want him to trust you again.”

“How can you be so certain?” she asked, a small quiet smile forming on her face.

“I’ve seen a lot of worlds, Kali and I’ve loved you in every one.”

***

“So that’s it? You guys just go back to where you came from and everything goes back to normal?” Sam asked the next morning at their Alice in Wonderland breakfast table. Gabriel had taken some liberties with the Hotel buffet room and although everyone was glad to see human strictly off the menu, the bunny girl waitresses were a little unnerving. 

“That’s the plan,” Gabriel told them after a mouthful of strawberries and cream. Deanna shook her head in disgust and Castiel laughed.

“What about us?” Other Dean asked, he and his Cas looked tired but the mood around them was a bit lighter that morning.

“You’ll go back at the same time.” 

Girl Cas nodded and went back to her pie, picking at it but at least eating the filling. Dean at her side was doing the same in between mouthfuls of strong coffee. Dean wondered if they had slept at all. He felt Cas’s hand on his leg and turned.

“You okay?” Cas asked him, quiet enough that the others couldn’t hear.

“Yeah.” He smiled. “I think I’ll feel better once me, you and Sammy are home though.” Cas nodded and looked around the table. “How about you Cas, are you doing okay with all of this?”

He met Dean’s gaze and held it. “Yes, just tired and still confused by it all.”

“Yeah. This whole thing has been….”

“Horrible?” Sam said from Dean’s side.

“Yeah,” Dean told him, shaking his head and taking another long drink of his coffee. Cas’ hand stayed on his leg and Dean leant into him whilst Sam moved his chair a little closer.

Once they finished eating, Gabriel put the room back to normal and they were all stood around in a group. Sam said goodbye to Deanna and Castiel and handed them a letter he’d written for the other Sam and Dean and Cas spoke with girl Cas and Dean. At one point Cas noticed the wedding rings and although he raised his eyebrows he didn’t say anything to Dean out loud, Dean had no idea what to make of that or if it meant anything. He stood back from most of it, not really wanting to say anything more to anyone and just really wanting to go home and back to his life.

“Right children, pair up,” Gabriel announced and Deanna and Castiel said their good byes to Sam and headed over to him. Other Dean and Cas just held hands and waited.

Gabriel turned to Dean, Sam and Cas and clicked his fingers once. The others disappeared. “I’ve heard it’s rude to visit someones world without leaving a few gifts.” Click. “So long guys!” Click.

Then it was just the three of them in a hotel lobby in Ohio holding red and white gift bags covered in little glitter covered angels.

“That is very annoying,” Cas announced after a moment and Dean laughed with relief and shock. Cas had opened his gift bag and was shaking glitter and confetti off of a dvd box. “Casa erotica 16,” he read out loud and Sam pulled out his own DVD.

“I have 14,” he said with mild disgust. 

Dean rolled his eyes. “Seriously Gabriel?” 15 appeared from within the mountain of glitter his gift bag contained. 

“Dean, you kept 13,” Sam reminded him.

“Hey if you ignore Gabriel the girl in that one….” His sentence trailed off when Cas looked up to glare at him. “Oh come on, not like you haven’t watched it more than once.”

“That was different.” And Dean’s eyes widened as if he had just realised something.

“Cas, that’s either very sad or very wrong,” Dean told him, but reach out for him all the same and pulled him in for an awkward half hug. Sam didn’t comment, just seemed intent on reading the back of the DVD.

“We should grab our things and get out of here,” He told the others after a moment. 

“Yeah, if we leave now we’ll be back tonight. We should call Charlie and invite her over, get Kevin to go shopping. We’re having a movie night.”

“What?” Sam asked.

“Last time Gabriel left us a video to watch it was to help us, maybe that’s what he’s done this time and if not we’ll start a Babylon 5 marathon,” Dean told him, already leading them back to their rooms.

***

 

_Deanna, Sam and Castiel universe._

 

_Three months later_

 

Balthazar had been an unwilling ally but a powerful one none the less, he had taken the entire armoury and with it Gabriel had found what he needed to take down Raphael. He had also made sure the Tablets were hidden deep within the earth so that no one - human or otherwise would be able to find them for the foreseeable future. Crowley’s bones had been found easily enough though and although they had lost friends and allies in the last few months, their core family had all survived.

 

Kali stood next to Gabriel as they watched the field burn. Deanna, Castiel and Sam were someway behind them watching the pyre of demon bones burn. Crowley’s were the first to go, followed by those of his lieutenants that had still remained on earth.  Sam’s arm was in a sling but Gabriel would heal it later and the others were covered in cuts and bruises. Rachel and Balthazar stood close by and both looked around them with horror and relief. 

In the end Gabriel had given his brother a choice, had shown him what he was capable of and asked him to back off but Raphael had forced them into a civil war. The field around them was now covered in imprints of wings scarred across the landscape. They’d burned the vessels and prayed for their fallen family and now that it was all over none of them really knew what to do next.

Kali reached out her hand to Gabriel’s and he took it, standing closer to her and letting his wings curl around her. There had been more than one moment in the battle when he’d come close to losing her and he couldn’t quite get over the realisation that they were both still alive - that they all were. 

“What do we do now?” Kali asked, her voice carrying above the sound of burning all around them. Gabriel looked at her, she looked beautiful and alive with such a view around her but she looked tired too. It had been a long battle, longer than either had seen in decades.

“Go home.” He told her. Home was currently between Lawrence Kansas - the home Sam, Deanna and Cas had set up in the Winchester’s old house - and the Bunker Bobby, Ellen and Jo now used as a base.

“What about all of this?” she asked, letting go of his hand and winding her arm around his back, he pulled her closer and wrapped them both in his wings. He didn’t see the point in hiding them any more, Heaven knew he was back. 

“We can clean it up afterwards.” 

They turned around to see Deanna stood with one arm around her brother and the other around Castiel. The three of them were huddled together and clearly exhausted but none of them moving from where they were. Sam looked up at Gabriel and nodded in recognition and thanks.

“And Heaven?” she asked.

“They know I’m here even if Dad isn’t and they know what will happen if they try anything like that again. They can either sort themselves out or lock themselves down but either way I’m not going back Kali, my place is here.”

 

***

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end of the main story, an epilogue will follow at some point in the future.


	8. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look into the three universes at various time stamps after the end of the story.

**Epilogue**

_Dean, Cas and Sammy universe._

Within an instant they were stood in the main library of the bunker. The lights were on but the Bunker was silent save for the continual hum on the machines and terminals from the entrance hall.

“It’s still early,” Cas told Dean, squeezing his hand for reassurance as they stood together in the quiet.

“Bed?” Dean asked after a minute and Cas nodded, they had gotten maybe two hours sleep the night before and she still felt strung out and exhausted.

Dean led her slowly to her own room, stopping only to look at Sammy’s closed door. Her things were all still inside, Dean hadn’t wanted to go in at all since she’d died so it had been left to Kathryn and Charlie to lock it all up. She had written a will - leaving her computer to Kathryn and some books and other affects to Dean and Cas as well as a letter - but reading it had been like losing her all over again and Cas’ letter was tucked into a book on her shelf. Dean had scrunched his up in anger only to open it again and place it carefully in the draw of his bedside table.

When they reached Cas’ room and were safely inside, Dean stripped down to his boxers while Cas removed everything aside from her panties and pulled on one of Dean’s shirts that had been left in her room and she now slept in.

Without a word she crawled into bed and Dean followed her, pulling the covers around them both and holding her close, breathing her in whilst she listened to the steady beating of his heart.

“When we wake up I’ll make breakfast,” Dean mumbled against her hair and Cas smiled against his chest.

“Okay,” she told him and then let sleep overtake her.

***  
If their friends and family noticed anything different about them that morning they were good enough not to say anything.

Charlie hugged Cas the moment she saw her but she didn’t approach Dean.

“Where were you guys?” she asked quietly.

“Some where safe,” Cas answered.

“We were told that, I wanted to look for you and Kathryn panicked when she noticed you were gone but Balthazar told us to trust that you were safe.”

Cas nodded. Balthazar was currently helping himself to tea in the corner, he came over and placed a steaming cup of earl grey in front of Cas and she smiled up at him.

“Thank you.”

“No problem little sister, did you enjoy your holiday?” He had such a knowing look in his eyes but Cas knew it was best to save that conversation for later.

“I don’t know if enjoyed is the right word but I’m glad it happened.”

“You and me both.”

“Right,” Dean announced. “Pancakes are ready to go, any requests?”

Kathryn and Carol appeared then, both looking pleasantly surprised. Cas stood first and went over to Dean.

“Chocolate and blueberry please.” Dean nodded and added her requests to the batter inside the pan, when they were cooked it popped them on her plate and kissed her on the cheek, she was a little startled but she still smiled and returned it.

They hadn’t done this for such a long, long time that it felt both wonderful and strange all at the same time.

Cas was liberal with the syrup and sat happily back at the table whilst everyone else had their requests made and joined her at the table. Dean came back last, banana and chocolate in his and took the seat at her right. Charlie was sat on her left with the others around the rest of the table. They talked like they used to but everyone was careful not to mention Sammy. Cas wanted to tell them it was okay, that they could, that no one needed to pointedly ignore the empty space next to Dean anymore. But she supposed that would come with time. At least no one seemed like they were on edge anymore, they were all more relaxed and comfortable with each other. It was a good start.

***  
Balthazar found Cas later on that morning, she was reading, curled up in one of the chairs in the library.

“Where’s Dean?” he asked.

“Cleaning out the Impala, she’s spotless but he feels as though he’s been neglecting her so they’re spending some quality together,” Cas explained, closing her book and sitting expectantly, Balthazar got the message and took the seat across from her.

“So.”

“So,” Cas prompted. Balthazar rubbed his legs anxiously and gave her an awkward smile.

“Do you think Dean would mind if the Bunker had two more permanent residents?” he asked.  
Cas tilted her head to the left and studied him. There was more to this, there was something else he wasn’t telling her. She was also already pretty certain that everyone assumed Balthazar and Carol would be staying in the Bunker anyway.

“No, no I don’t think he’d mind. He might even be glad of it. The more of us there are, the better chance we have of fixing the mess in heaven and reorganising the hunter network here,” she told him, he flinched at the mention of heaven but otherwise seemed relieved.

“Good.” He didn’t stand to leave though.

“Balthazar, whatever it is, you can tell me.”

He looked around to make sure they were alone, then turned back to his sister.

“It’s not safe out there for me out there, most of the other Angels want to kill me. They say I followed your example a little too well.”

It was Cas’s turn to feel uncomfortable. They had found out that she had been Metatron’s and Naomi’s true target and Balthazar had been a back up plan. Though she didn’t regret leaving purgatory when and how she did, she did feel somewhat responsible for what her brother had gone through.

“It’s not your fault Cassie,” he told her and she looked back up at him.

“If it hadn’t been me they would have found someone else, though it’s probably a good thing they didn’t.”

“That is true,” she agreed.

“Look, could we, could we go to your room? There’s something else I want to tell you but it’s private.”

Cas nodded and stood, leaving her book on the small table for later on.  
Balthazar was jittery by the time they arrived and Cas had barely shut the door before he was talking again.

“Carol thought she was pregnant,” he told her. “She isn’t, we’ve checked but it’s put a lot of things into perspective. We need to win this fight, battle whatever it is and I’m more than happy to help - I am, I really am - but we need to stay here so she’ll stay here, safe from whatever is out there until it’s over.”

Cas knew she was just stood there blinking rapidly but she didn’t know what to say. “Ah…”

“Yes I know, it’s a little overly dramatic of me to announce it like this but I kept thinking about what it would be like if she was and I couldn’t - can’t - bring life into this world when it’s such a mess.”

“I know.” Cas sighed and sat down on the armchair near her bookshelves. “I just have no idea how to fix this, none of us do.”

“Ahh…”

Cas fixed her brother with a look. “What?”

“We may not have an idea but there is someone who does.” He looked guilty, really guilty and Cas felt her temper start to rise.

“Balthazar,” she warned.

“He -they - made me promise not to tell you he was here, he’s the one who told us you were safe.”

“Who?” Though she had a sinking feeling that she knew exactly who.

“Hey little sister!” Gabriel popped into existence in front of her, Balthazar stood at his side with an apologetic smile on his face.

“Which one are you?” Cas asked, not even bothering to stand up. Things were really starting to make sense.

“This one, consider me a refurbished model.”

“Refurbished by who?”

“The other Gabriel - with some help from Kali - the one who zapped you and Dean to a few days of well needed counselling.”  
Cas took a deep breath, pinched the bridge of her nose and stood.

“Why?”

Gabriel tried to put his arm around her but she sidestepped.

“Why not? Someone needs to sort this place out and teach Metadouche a lesson, he’s pissed off a lot of people - even the pagans are after him.”

“Balthazar, how did he get inside the wards?”

Her brother looked sheepish. “Well, you see, he, ah…” He looked from Gabriel and back to Castiel. “Look, we ran all the tests, all of them but Kathryn confirmed who he was with her prophet powers so we altered the wards to let him in. We wanted to wait for you and your husband to return before we let Kali in as well, we thought you’d want to run your own tests.”  
And everything had been going so well.

“Can you do it?” she asked, preferring to get straight to the point before she went to find Dean.

To his credit, Gabriel didn’t mess around. “Yes. We can do it, not going to be easy and we’ll need to destroy the angel tablet as well but that shouldn’t be too much of a problem.” He pulled out a couple of red vines and proceeded to eat both at the same time.

***

“Dean?” Cas found him whispering sweet nothings to the Impala in the large garage.

“Hey Cas, I’m pretty much done here, just give me a minute.” His smile was warm and she nodded, sitting on the low wall to the side of the car.

“So, what’s up?” He washed his hands in the small sink, wiping them dry on the towel hung from the side of it. “Why are you wearing your coat? Thought your jumpers were warm enough,” he asked and she gave him a nervous smile.

“We have a visitor, an ally…. and the good news is; they know how to fix heaven and send the Angels home.” She had her hands bunched around the end of her coat sleeves. She always wore it when she was anxious, it felt like battle armour.

“And the bad news?”

“It’s Gabriel.” Dean looked at her, somewhere between angry and disbelieving. “The one we met helped Kali bring back the one here and in the other world.”

“Shit.” He sighed. “Anything else?”

“Yeah… Balthazar and Carol want to move in.” He just nodded.

“Okay, that’s fine.” He didn’t look fine, he looked worn out and she stood, walking right up to him and putting her arms around him. Dean held on tight and sighed heavily against her shoulder.

“We’re going to be okay,” she told him.

“Yeah Cas, I know,” he replied, voice gentle. “It’s just… I thought we’d have time to get used to things before rushing back out there to fix whatever went wrong.”  
Cas chuckled. “By the sounds of it Gabriel will be doing most of the leg work, we’re on the research team - at least for now.”

Dean grumbled, she knew he hated that option even more.

“It’ll be fine,” she reassured, stepping out of his arms and taking his hand. “Charlie bought pie for lunch.”

“She did?”

“Yes, she says she has three more in the fridge too.”

“Well they won’t eat themselves.”

Cas just smiled and let Dean lead her back though the bunker to the large kitchen. Things weren’t going to be easy, but they were better and that was good enough for her.

***

* * *

  
_Castiel, Deanna and Sam Universe_

A couple of weeks after their return.

Needless to say, Balthazar was not happy. Castiel was pretty sure the look on his face was a mixture of disappointment and annoyance.

“Do I even need to ask how you found me?” He looked between her and Gabriel, Deanna had an Angel blade pointed at his throat and jabbed it closer when he moved.

“We got a tip off that you weren't as dead as you seemed so we came to check you out,” Deanna said, forcing Balthazar backwards onto his sofa.

“Well now that you have I suppose you want my help with something?”

“We know you have most of heaven’s arsenal hidden away. Once you let us take what we need you’ll be free to go.” Castiel walked to Deanna and placed a hand on her arm. “He’s not going anywhere.”

Deanna dropped her arm, though she didn’t look happy about it and Sam came into the room.

“No one’s getting in or out without our permission.” He looked from his sister to Balthazar then to Castiel. “Everything okay guys?”

“Ah, the other Winchester. How many more of your extended family should I be expecting?”

“That depends,” Sam told him.

“Oh?”

“On how much of a fight you put up. We want access to the armoury to stop Raphael from torching most of the planet, after that you’re free to leave.”  
Balthazar visibly slumped in his seat and he sighed. “I honestly thought all of the in-fighting would be over by now.”

“Well it’s not.” Gabriel walked over, anger starting to fill his eyes. He looked as tired and worn out by it all as Castiel felt. “And I’ve had enough.”

“Now, now big brother. I would say I’m surprised to see you but frankly I’m relieved.”

“Balthazar-“

“I will show you, I promise but you have to promise to let me and my wife go free afterwards.”

“Your wife?” Sam asked.

“She ahhh, she came with the house and I told her who I was and well it was all a bit cliched - you’ve seen the movies. Fell in love, got remarried. Very happy and would like to stay that way.”

“What does your vessel say about that?” Sam countered.

“I wouldn’t know, he skipped out upstairs the moment I asked to use him as a vessel.”  
For a few moments everyone fell into an awkward silence.

“We have somewhere you will both be safe - from everyone - you just have to trust us,” Castiel told him at last.

Balthazar put his head in his hands and sighed. “Fine, fine. Once I know she’s safe I’ll take you to the armoury.”  
***  
Sam wasn't one to mope, he hadn’t minded being left behind to hold the fort with the others but he also wondered what he’d missed out on. His sister and Castiel had told him as much as they could remember about their counterparts and his but he knew it wasn’t the same as being there.

“Here.” Gabriel materialised out of no where and was waving a DVD in front of his face.

“If this is another one of your pornos Gabriel then I don’t want to know.”  
Gabriel pulled his best ‘who? me?’ expression then rolled his eyes. “Sam, Sam, Sam, have a little bit more faith in your favourite Archangel.”

“Because there are so many to choose from,” Sam deadpanned. Sometimes he was in the mood for Gabriel’s antics but others? He’d rather not.  
Gabriel seemed to understand this though and sat down next to him, showing him the DVD.

“This is from the other you, he was equally gutted not to meet you so he asked me to record him. It’s genuine and also private so I’m going to leave it with you and leave you alone.”

“Gabriel,” Sam said, suddenly sorry at how he had spoken.

“It’s been a rough few weeks for everyone Sam, I’ll see you later.

Sam opened his computer and slid the disk in, after a few minutes he saw him - but not him- sat waiting to start speaking.

“Hello Sam,” he started and Sam sat back to watch.

***  
After Finding the Bunker

“This place is awesome!” Jo remarked as she popped her head into the Kitchen. “Sam wants to know if you and Castiel need their own rooms?”

Deanna was plating up lunch for them all with the help of Ellen and Castiel. The latter had just finished putting glasses out on the large table snd she looked up when Jo spoke. Deanna met her eyes and held her gaze.

“How many rooms are there?” she asked after a moment.

“Ahh, furnished? There are about twenty that we can see, along two connected corridors. There are probably more too, most have Double and King size beds but there are some twins too.” Jo, to her credit just stated it mater-of-fact and waited for an answer.

Castiel hadn’t ever really had her own room before, she had always just shared with Deanna - even in the house in Kansas - but that had been more because there had never been enough room.

“I’ll share with Deanna,” she said at last.

“Okay, cool. I’ll go tell Sam.” And Jo was off around the corner.

Ellen headed after her. “I’ll let them know dinner’s ready, be back in five.”

“Are you sure Cas?” Deanna asked, placing her hand on Castiel’s arm.

She nodded. “It’s strange but I can’t imagine waking up and not having you next to me. Besides, we still have the house - this is just our research base right? Bobby and Ellen are moving in to run it and the rest of us will just be visiting.”

Deanna was smiling as she ran her hand down Castiel’s arm and laced their fingers together.

“It’s not strange but you can always have your own room if you want one.”

Castiel leaned over and kissed her cheek. “I know. I also know that our relationship is… unique but I want to sleep next to you and share a space with you, I love you very much and I still want for us to spend our lives together.”

Deanna squeezed her hand a kissed her lightly. “I love you too, I just want to you to know that you can have more space if you need it, even if I want to share with you.” She smiled and put her other arm around Castiel when she moved into her space. “And I am always going to want to share with you.”

“Me too,” Castiel whispered, breath warm on Deanna’s neck as she lay her head on her shoulder.

***  
The dinner table was full, surrounded by a group of people happily chatting away. Deanna sat as head of the table on one end with Castiel on her left and Sam on her right. Jo, Ellen and Bobby followed on on Sam’s side with Gabriel, Kali, Balthazar and Carol opposite. They had offered an invitation to Rachel but she had declined, she had work to do that she didn’t want to leave.

It should have been a strange and uneasy group; Humans, Archangels, Angels, a former Angel and a god but they all seemed to get along okay. Carol had done her research and had since read Chuck’s novels and had happily made herself part of their group. It seemed her life had been happier with Balthazar in it and she was more willing than her husband to get involve with the fight.

Gabriel and Kali had accepted the room they were offered and had spent several hours inside it doing things that no one else in the bunker wanted to know about. They had sound proofed it though so no one had really minded.

They all knew what was to come - they had to sort out a plan and get everything in place. Afterwards, once everything was settled it would be time to restart the Men and Women of letters and continue Bobby’s work in organising a Hunter network in the US.  
For now, it was time for food and family.  
***

_Dean, Sam and Cas_

Immediately after Gabriel and the others leave.

The trip back to the bunker had been quiet and uneventful. They all shared rooms in both hotels they stayed in with Dean crawling into bed next to Cas and finally not caring that Sam was in the same room. They were past too exhausted to do anything and all Sam had done was hide his smile underneath the covers of his bed.

Castiel kept eyeing the DVDs and checking that they were there. Dean hadn’t commented on it, losing Gabriel hadn’t seemed to affect him so much back then but seeing what they could have been seemed to have left it’s mark now. Cas looked so forlorn every time he had to tuck the disks back inside his bag that Dean placed his hand on Cas’ leg and left it there for the last part of the drive. It hurt that Cas never managed to have a closer relationship to his family, that he was told he had always been broken. Sometimes Dean wondered if he believed it, he hoped he didn’t.

When they got inside they summoned Charlie and Kevin to the room they’d made into their den. Dean dumped his and Cas’ bags in his room whilst Sam dropped his off and gathered snacks. Charlie and Kevin were good enough not to ask what had happened, they just followed them and sat down.

Cas put in the first disk and snuggled Dean on one of the sofas. Dean put an arm around his back and held his hand with the other, let him squeeze as tightly as he wanted.

“At least he stuck to the formula,” Sam offered when the title screen came up. He gave his brother a reassuring glance and Dean nodded in thanks. Cas held onto Dean’s hand so tightly he was beginning to lose feeling.

_“If you’re watching this it means you made it back home and decided you had nothing better to do than watch me.” He winked at the camera. “I mean don't get me wrong - I’m awesome - but you should probably be living your lives and getting on with things. That said, Castiel, Deanna and Sam suggested that I leave you with as much information as I can about what we know. I don’t think there is too much that I can tell you - you seem to be the ones who are helping us. But take from this whatever you can.”_

He smiled at them from the screen and he looked genuine enough that Dean relaxed. Cas loosened his hold on his hand but rested almost his full weight against him, it warmed him to the core and Dean could only hope that it gave Cas the same reassurance.

***  
Three hours and 3 DVD’s later left the five of them tired and overwhelmed, Gabriel had had a lot to say - most of it good and some of it vital. They had either avoided or already dealt with most of the things he had mentioned and there didn’t seem to be any other known threats that they had yet to come across. He seemed to know about Metatron too and had given them a few bits of useful information that Charlie had typed down and would start researching in the morning.

When the doorbell rang through the halls it shook both Cas and Dean, Sam across from them stood with a roll of his eyes.

“Two guesses,” he said as he walked past Dean.

“What do you mean?” Cas asked as he and the others followed Sam.

“I’m guessing you guys didn’t get a note in your bags?” They both shook their heads. “I did. Trust me, I know what’s on the other side of that door.”

Charlie and Kevin stayed back, Dean and Cas followed Sam with Angel blades in hand.

Sam himself was wary as he reached the door and looked through the peep hole to make sure of who was on the other side.

“Huh, doesn’t waste his time,” he muttered as he opened the door and greeted their guests.

“Sam!” Gabriel exclaimed, raising his arms. Kali at his side looked mostly less than impressed but the small smile on her face gave her away. She still loved him, that was clear. “Dean-o, Castiel! Good to see you.”

Cas looked somewhere between relieved and angry, his emotions at war with themselves. “Which Gabriel are you?” he asked and stepped forwards. Dean watched him carefully but didn’t move to stop him.

“The one from this universe, just patched together.”

Cas tipped his head to the side and studied him, he still had some of the abilities and powers he had had as an angel, he could sense and see both Demons and Angels as well as other supernatural beings. “Not quite.”

“Yeah, I’m slightly more pagan god than Archangel but it doesn’t mean I can’t help you.”

“Help us?” Dean asked.

“Yes, you think I like what’s going on - or not going on - upstairs? let me prove to you that we won’t hurt you, let us in and I’ll let you know how we fix things.”

***

Gabriel had actually fixed things - in his own unique style - and had even found Cas' grace. There had been a terrible moment when Dean thought Cas would take it and leave him again. Cas hadn’t hesitated though and had told Gabriel to either keep it locked safely away in heaven or to cast it out into the world. Gabriel had thus far locked it away so that only Cas could ever reclaim it but not until he returned to heaven after a long life on earth.

Things were quieter now. They had become men and women of letters and had started reaching out to the hunter community (through Garth to start with) and setting up a better and more equipped network across the country than had been seen before.

Charlie had moved in permanently, Kevin still kept a room but he had gone back to school (since his mother had been found safe and alive) and Sam worked between things at the bunker and a life in the nearby town. He even had his own apartment that he insisted on spending a couple of nights in a week. It had taken Dean a while to adjust but he had, having Cas and Charlie around had helped.

“Dean?” Cas asked from the doorway.

“Hm?”

“Garth said to let you know that it’s all sorted, he emailed in his report and Charlie has added it all to the data base and removed it from the active case list.”

“Awesome.” He smiled, even if he was a little too distracted to answer with enough enthusiasm.

Cas could read him well though and came over to him, sitting next to him on the sofa and pressing his knee to Dean’s.

“Sam will be back in the morning and Kevin’s coming to stay for a few weeks when the school year is over,” he said.

“I know.” Dean relaxed back and put his arm around Cas’ shoulder and kissed his hair when Cas settled against him. “I’m just having some trouble adjusting that’s all.”

“I understand.”

Dean pressed another kiss into Cas’ hair. “I know, I don’t think anyone else really does though. Sam comes close but it’s different.”

“We could still go out on hunts.” Cas offered.

“Yeah but I promised not to go chasing death. Gabriel isn’t right about much but he is about this.” He sighed. “We need to take some time for ourselves and live for once, though I think if he had his way he would have forced us into retirement and given us a house.”

Cas laughed but it only lasted for a few moments before he sobered. “He would have tried but what we’re doing is still important. Hell is locked down now and Heaven is back as it should be. There have been more successful hunts in more places than for a very long time before and that is down to you, your knowledge and your leadership.”

“You, Sam and Charlie share that though, without you I wouldn’t be able to organise anything.”

“You still hide away from your own successes Dean, you shouldn’t.”

Dean gave a non committal grunt in response so Cas lifted his head and kissed him.

“I mean it.”

Dean sighed. “I know you do, I’m getting there, I promise.” He tightened his arm around Cas and pressed their foreheads together. “How are you adjusting? Now that you’re staying human.” The words were tentative and quiet and Cas wondered how long Dean had been waiting to say them since he last asked.

“I’ve been human for months Dean,” he reminded him gently. “But it’s fine. Sometimes it’s hard and I miss my wings and hearing your prayers. Though I would change how it happened, I wouldn’t change that it has. Being human means I can stay with you, it means I can live a life that means something. Naomi was at least right about that, I was never right as an Angel.”

“Cas -”

“No Dean, it’s fine. I know she said it because she couldn’t understand why she couldn’t control me but she was right. I am happy and Gabriel confirmed that I have a soul and enough of my passive Angelic abilities to be helpful. I am less but I am also more. I am happy Dean, living with you, very happy.”

“I’m happy too Cas but it’s… it’s new.”

Cas understood how hard it was for Dean. To finally be in a place in his life where he wasn’t facing an apocalypse of one kind or another was both wonderful and unsettling. Cas was getting used to humanity whilst Dean was adjusting to life. Sam was too but he seemed to adapt more naturally, the burden life forced upon him was finally gone and although he faced his own struggles he accepted happiness a little more naturally than Dean.

“I know,” he reassured him, safe in the knowledge that Dean knew he meant it. “It is for me too.”  
Dean smiled and Cas kissed him, freely and without reserve. Elation and joy sparked through him as Dean kissed back.

_Fin_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I pretty much held off finishing this because it seemed like no one was really interested. Which is (in a way) totally fine. I do tend to write stuff for me and leave it up on here for anyone else to see .  
> That being said, if people had reviewed it (I know a couple of people reviewed the earlier chapters) then this would have been finished months ago. Otherwise I figure I'm the only one who cares and it goes on the back burner.  
> It just gets disheartening that's all and so I worked on other projects both on here, FF.net and my own original writing that either got more responses or were shorter.  
> I would love to know what people think of this if they have read it but I guess that's up to those who read it.


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